20 November 2017

Dreamer’s World November 19, 2017 – Happiness Is Writing Your Own Story Each Day

    Once again, Snoopy And The Gang have come to my rescue. Every day is a story to tell if we only take the time and effort to recognize and appreciate it. I have often struggled with ideas for my blog, and I have fallen off the daily posting habit that I was in for a long time. I felt like I was simply repeating myself, but that is just part of the story of my life. I needed to focus on the things that happen to me each and every day and let those things write themselves.
 After a busy day yesterday that included dealing with a terribly painful charlie horse cramp, I made it an early evening and didn’t stay up late. This made Hal question me because I normally stay up late on Saturday night. I told him that the Charlie horse cramp felt much better after he massaged it for 15 minutes (and it truly did), but that I just wanted to go to bed and get some rest. I took him to work and picked him up yesterday, and I will be doing the same again today. That is the weekend routine that I have, minus the cramp, and I am adjusted to it, but that doesn’t mean that I cannot make a slight change every now and then.
    The only new thing is that I have a new blood glucose meter to try out this morning. I will see how the readings are compared to the old one and then make up my mind about which one to keep. I do believe that technology keeps improving, and I do want the most accurate readings that I can get.
    I took Hal to work, and then I toyed with the idea of going somewhere for brunch. I decided against it and just came back home to write and spend time with The Stooges. Some people might find this routine rather boring, but I know from experience that there are far worse ways to occupy my time. I am no longer lonely. I spent far too many years alone, and that took its toll on me. When I met Hal, it took a while for me to open up entirely and to settle down into a real relationship. Now, nearly 18 years later, I can honestly say that I have never been happier.
    Even the time with The Stooges is a joy. Although they are all asleep, I find being around them very comforting. I would not change my life for anything. I can relax and have this time to appreciate things rather than being caught up in some endless and futile chase of something that I think I want.
    After I picked Hal up from work, we came home and relaxed. We ended the evening watching movies together on the couch along with The Stooges. A great weekend finally came to an end.


18 November 2017

Dreamer’s World November 17, 2017 – Happiness Is Being A Little Quirky

    Once again, Snoopy And The Gang have inspired me for today's blog post. I find it refreshing to be a little quirky from time to time. OK, probably more like being always quirky, but that is part of the adventure we call life. Life is too short to be spent conforming every single minute we all need the spontaneity and the serendipity to spice things up and make things more interesting.
    Last night, I went with Hal to look for a new suit. I found one that was conformative enough, but of course, I had to find something that will make the suit stand out. I decided to purchase a pair of bright red suspenders to go with the gray suit. The sales lady at Macy's looked rather surprised when I emerged from the fitting room with the new ensemble. With a smile, she said that she liked the look. It was bold and unique, and that was something that she seldom saw when men came in to try on and purchase new suits. I knew at that point that I had made the right decision.
    I felt thrilled with my new suit and suspenders, and I am looking forward to seeing the reactions when I visit the client on the Wednesday after Thanksgiving. It won't be to everyone’s taste, but I didn’t buy it for everyone, I bought it for me. I remember advice from my parents and also from Hal that it is always best to give people something to talk about instead of them finding something on their own. Being a little quirky has its advantages.
    Conformity is something that I consciously try to avoid. I had my time in the Navy, and that convinced me that I had to be more expressive. In fact, it is one of the reasons that I started this blog, and today I feel that it is truly fulfilling its purpose in my life. I want to make my life as much of an adventure as I possibly can and to have a great time doing so.

    I learned years ago that the opinion of others is important, but it is more important that those opinions be of me and my individuality rather than how well I conform.

14 November 2017

Dreamer’s World November 14, 2017 – Producing A Monster Like Roy Moore

    The news has been full of the story about Roy Moore. I believe the accusations against him because I was taught in my own childhood that someone who claims to be “Holier Than Thou,” is usually just full of shit, and far worse than those he persecutes. I am saddened by the stories of the women that this man has molested and abused. I believe that there are more stories to come shortly, and they need to be told.
    Some people have wondered how such a monster can exist without being punished. I grew up in a small town in Kentucky, and I can attest to the power of denial. The only solution is to get out. Eventually, the outside world will find out about the local secrets when someone like Moore embraces the spotlight. When a monster like Roy Moore lives the double life of a pedophile and respectable citizen, it is amazing how many people will ignore the monster. Add in the public embrace of the religious dogma and Roy Moore manages to get away with his crimes and no one speaks up.
    It comes as no surprise that it took outside investigators to find out the sordid details about Moore. The culture of silence is strong when someone well-known is involved. The first thing that many will think is that outsiders are trying to destroy a local person who has embraced something like religion, regardless of their own ugly behavior. The more loudly Moore proclaims his religion, the less likely local people are to challenge him because doing so will present them as non-believers.
    I believe that all religion is nothing more than a giant Mind-Fuck to those it affects. When enough people suffer from it, they begin to attempt to impose their own beliefs on everyone else. Wrapping himself in a flag and carrying a Bible and a gun, Moore presented himself as a protector of the local values, and I am confident that more people knew his secret than not. This is the hypocrisy of the entire damned situation.

    Roy Moore will remain a hero to those who wish to see nothing more than the sham of his religion. Those people are allergic to facts that contradict their own beliefs. Unfortunately, these people are in charge in so many places like Alabama. I find it interesting that those places so often fall behind the rest of the nation regarding progress, yet they feel persecuted when the truth is that no one with a real progressive view of the world wants to live in places like that. Those places are left to stew in their own juices and the resentment simmer and boil until it cannot be contained. They see their backwardness as a badge of honor, yet they wonder why so many people just pass them by and want nothing to do with them. These are the places that produce monsters like Roy Moore.

Dreamer’s World November 13, 2017 - Tired

      I really wish I could figure out why I am so tired. I am sure that part of this has to do with the change of the clocks just over a week ago. Since it gets dark so early now, I find myself wanting to go to bed earlier and earlier, but there are always things that have to be done before that can happen. I also know that I have to exercise more to feel better, that is the hardest part of things.
    The approaching holiday also must have something to do with how I feel. Try as I might, it seems that I always struggle with my personal demons at this time of the year. I still do not know if Hal will go to Florida next week. I suppose that the longer we go without an announcement, the higher the chances that he will be staying here. That decision is out of my control, and I will not attempt to sway Hal one way or the other. I respect his decision and his desire to be with his family.
    I am also just feeling completely exhausted today. Perhaps it was the extra sleep last night that reminded my body of how much more sleep it truly needs. I can’t do much about that tonight since I have to take Hal to and from work this evening and won't be able to get to bed before 2300. I will do my best and make it through the day.
    The worst part of the day was the conference calls. I find myself struggling to find other things to keep myself busy during those times. My presence in the meetings is pointless, but I have to dial in or risk getting nasty emails regarding my absence. I have talked with my team lead about this, but she doesn’t want to push the issue. I am not blaming her because she has to deal with all of the other people face to face and that would get really old.
    I think that another issue that affects me being tired is eating. I have put on some extra weight, and I need to get rid of it. The first thing I can do is to restrict when I eat. I notice that I am eating more time during the day. Perhaps this is because of the exhaustion, or because of the upcoming holiday, I am not sure. I have to learn to fight off the nagging hunger pains when I really don’t need the food at that time. Eating has become a means to pass the time, and that is not going to do me any good at all.
    I am starting today. I will eat at predetermined times that I know will not cause any trouble with my BG readings. Now all I have to do is follow through with this plan. Since the only trip I have is to take Hal to work and pick him up, I will measure my BG before leaving with him and then again when I get home before I have anything to eat. Afterwards, I can have dinner at an early hour and then monitor BG before bedtime. I am sure that it will be closer to normal without the extra snacks that I have been eating recently.

    All of these things are factors in my exhaustion, I am sure of that. It is up to me to rearrange my life to get things back to normal and to feel more alive and have more energy.

09 November 2017

Dreamer’s World November 08, 2017 – A Change In The Weather

    Wednesday is the day when I travel to meet with the client. This means driving to the commuter parking lot early in the morning when it is still dark. Add to that the weather change and this morning was cold as I waited for the bus to take me to the train that would get me to the neighborhood where the client's offices are located. I dressed for the weather, but the cold still managed to seep through and chill me to the bone. It has me considering purchasing a new coat for this winter since it will only get colder on the Wednesday mornings when I have to make the trip.
    The trip back always presents another set of problems because I have to try to time my return trip to the Metro station so I won’t have to wait around outside for an hour. The bus only runs every 60 minutes through the middle of the day, and I have been unfortunate enough to get there right after the bus leaves and had to wait around for the next one. Obviously, I am trying to avoid this situation with the colder weather, so I will get off the train if necessary at an underground station and wait for a later train that will get me to my stop closer to the time that the bus will leave. This will be an inconvenience, but I can deal with it since there is no other reasonable option. This is the first time I have faced this particular obstacle because we have always lived closer to Metro and had better ways to get back and forth. Things changed when we moved out here, so a solution has to be found to deal with the colder weather. It took a while to get warm after I returned home in the middle of the day. I am not sure that I want to go back out, but if Hal needs something, I will take him. At least I will be able to dress better without the suit and tie that restricted my options this morning.
    I am grateful that I don’t have to endure that commute every day. I doubt that we would have moved out here if I had to make that trip every day. Since I work from home, I will endure the discomfort of traveling one day per week during the cold weather.

    We did stay home after work and I was glad of that. Tomorrow will be a short day with the holiday on Friday and I don’t want to feel bad from being out in the cold.

06 November 2017

Dreamer’s World November 06, 2017 – Starting Over Again

    As I look out of the window this morning at 0700, the tree outside the window is clearly visible with all of its leaves turning brown. I suppose that this is the only benefit of the time change this weekend because I hate losing the daylight after work. On the other hand, I know that as it gets darker once again early in the morning with the shorter days that it actually indicates that Spring will be the next season to look forward to. I leave Winter out for now because we have no idea what that has in store for us here in the DMV.
    And so, the week begins. At least it will be a short one since Friday will be a holiday, giving me a three day weekend. I am looking forward to that because it will provide Hal and I some time together for a change. Hal still doesn’t know his exact schedule for Thanksgiving, but he is supposed to be going to visit family in Florida that week. Since one of his relatives is in charge of things, he probably doesn’t know all the details yet. The logistics here will involve getting Hal to the airport, so I hope that he will know something a few days in advance.
    I am expecting a quiet week at work with the holiday on Friday. There are no pressing issues right now, I completed my tasking about a week early, so I am left with the more mundane everyday jobs to occupy my time this week. I am glad because I needed some slow time. I still have not managed to arrange for a mental health day because there is so much planning going on for the next company reporting period, and that means endless rounds of conference calls that I must participate in.

    I don’t want to write about the news of the world. Suffice it to say that I sm just sick and tired the same tragedies followed by the same lack of action even to try to prevent the next one. I want my focus to remain on life here at home, on Hal and The Stooges, and on doing our best to be happy.

02 November 2017

Dreamer’s World November 02, 2017 – Recognizing The Value Of Each Day

    As I start the day, I am thinking about the subject for today’s blog. After a few minutes of contemplation, it finally came to me. Three weeks from today will be Thanksgiving Day here in the United States. This is supposed to be a day when we take some time to give thanks for what we have. Sadly, this is immediately followed by Black Friday, where people fight each other for items that are on sale because they all want something new for themselves or someone else. The irony is not lost.
    I decided that I should take the time today to begin being thankful for what I already have, and not worry about the things that I don’t because there are far too many people who are in worse shape than I am. I wish that I could help each and every one of them, but that is impossible.
    First of all, Snoopy And The Gang gave me a bit of inspiration with the message that “Happiness Is Making Your Mark On The World.” This is a hopeful message to me on a day when motivation was hard to find. Sometimes we don’t need to look that far to realize that each of us makes a small difference every day. It might not seem like much, but I know from reading the blogs published by friends that there are times when they say exactly the thing that I needed to hear. I hope that I fulfill that need to others because it is a way of giving back.
    Second, I think about life here at home. I write about it quite a bit, but that is because I have been through far tougher times in my life. This allows me to realize just how fortunate I have been over the last few years. Although Hal and I have been together for almost 18 years, I had some tough times in the beginning. Looking back I see that most of those problems were because I didn’t honestly know how to be happy. I had been so conditioned to being depressed that I no longer recognized it. I was defensive and very insecure. I could not trust and to love based on being hurt in the past. Hal brought me out of that phase, and if he had not, I am not certain I would be here today.
    Third, I am able to put my thoughts down in a mostly coherent manner in this blog. I find that writing helps me whether things are going well or not at any given time. This blog is therapeutic in so many small ways. The bad times don’t seem so bad when I write about them and the good times are even better when I write about them.
    Fourth, I am grateful for the friends that I have. I have never been one to accumulate vast numbers of friends, but those I have are incredibly close to me. I have learned that they come and go as part of life, but I always recognize that they have their own lives to live and that sometimes the gradual ending of friendship is a good thing because it has served its purpose at the right time in both of our lives. I have learned to look forward to the friends that I have not met yet.
    Fifth, I am grateful for the place that we live. Hal and I have managed to make a comfortable, but not excessive, life for ourselves in the nearly 18 years that we have been together. We have moved multiple times, but it always feels like home when we are together. The material possessions are not important to us, we are both more ethereal than that.
    Sixth, I am grateful for The Stooges. The lineup has changed over the years, but they have always been here for Hal and me. Each time we have to part with one of them, it is losing a member of the family, but we learn to find a new member to give them a loving and caring home. We always manage to pick the right cat for the group.
    These things are the highlights of my life. There are more, but I could never stop writing if I truly wanted to list all of the things that I am grateful for. But there is one more that I have to mention.

    I am thankful for those people who take the time to read this blog. I haven't prioritized this one because it is invaluable. Take some time to think about what you are grateful for, it will make you feel better.