30 September 2015

Dreamer's World September 30 2015





I took today off work in order to get Hal to his medical appointment this morning. It was time for his 5-year colonoscopy and I had spent last night taking care of him as he prepared for the ordeal this morning. We got up very early in order to get him to the appointment on time, and I dropped him off. I fully expected to get the call to come back in approximately 4 hours or so, based on the last time we did this. Actually, he called me less than an hour after I dropped him off work.
I am very glad to report that everything is fine, There is no sign of any problems and the ordeal is over with for several more years. I am glad that I am off work to be here to help Hal as he recovers from this. Right now he is still sleeping off the drugs they gave him. I will let him rest as much as he needs to. I am sure that he will have his appetite back once he is awake and alert, so I will make sure that something is ready for him to eat at that time.
Hal slept for about 3 hours after I got him home. He woke up and I had some lunch ready for him, and he was grateful for that. Turns out that spending the day here and off work was the right choice as I make sure he recovers properly.
The next big item on the horizon here is Joaquin, the hurricane that is forecast to possibly hit the East Coast around the weekend. I am going to Harris Teeter later today before all the panic buying starts. Thankfully, we don’t need much from the store but it pays to plan ahead. I will also get gas in the Beetle since it is running low.
I decided to go ahead and get the items and fill the gas tank, and I just got back. It was nice to avoid the crowds that will form later today. I also want to thank President Obama for $2.35 a gallon for gas! At least we are prepared for lots of rain now. Living on the 4th floor means that the flooding risk is not a concern, especially since our building is on a hill. Working from home means that even if there are roads flooded, it won’t directly affect us. 

I ended up taking a nap early this evening after it was apparent that Hal is going to be OK. I needed the rest, to be honest and I feel better. Tomorrow I will be back at work here from home and things will return to normal.

28 September 2015

Dreamer's World - The Walls

    

The walls are going up again. I don't have any other way to explain what I am going through right now. The walls protected me through some really tough times. The walls kept people from getting too close. The walls kept me safe. I was taught since I was a child to keep the walls strong, and to only let people in who I cared about and who also cared about me.
    Caring is a funny word. To care for someone, at least to me, is to be there for them and to stand with them when they need someone. It is impossible to care for someone for very long when that caring and that trust is not reciprocated. I am feeling right now that I have let my guard down, I have neglected my obligation to myself to keep the walls strong.
    Right now I have Hal and the Stooges with me inside my fortress. They will remain inside with me due to love and caring but the outside world is really begging for me to strengthen the walls again to keep it out.
    Try as I might, there are times when I cease to be a "people person" due to things that happen. My cool or even cold exterior reasserts itself and I can honestly ignore people without hesitation. I am having those feelings once again.
    To most, this might give the impression that I am unhappy, but that isn't the case. The walls protect me when I feel vulnerable, after all that is what walls are for. I am as taught as a young child to be self-sufficient. Since I was an only child, this has proven to be good advice because I have never had the extended family to rely on. I never had anyone to bring inside my walls. This changed when I met Hal. He understands how I feel and he accepts it because I never try to place him outside the walls.
    As I grow older, I have tried many times to lower the walls in order to be more, for lack of a better word, "normal". These attempts have never been successful except for Hal. I am tired of feeling exposed. I am tired of seeing people climb over the walls I failed to maintain in order to attempt to exploit myself or Hal. I am tired of monitoring the abandoned walls to protect myself and Hal.
    Thus the walls are going back up. They are a part of who I am and those who dislike the walls obviously aren't the people I would ever allow to breach them.
    I don't owe any explanations to anyone for my action. I won't discuss these things in an open forum because I don't think it is the right thing to do. Suffice it to say that I have spent an entire weekend trying to figure out what has been bothering me and I have found the cause.
    The walls need repair. The walls need to be raised again. I need the safety that the walls provide me. I need the peace of mind that the walls provide me. I need the reassurance that the walls provide me.
    The walls enable me to protect who I am. I am a good person, but far too often I am too trusting. It is something that defines me and not something that I am ashamed of. The walls allow me the breathing room to get on with my life and focus on what is important.

    That is the reason Hal is inside the walls I have, although I never attempt to restrict him from his own life and involvements. So the walls are going up again. I don't know when, or if, they will come down again. I just know that I need the walls right now.

27 September 2015

Dreamer's World September 27 2015



    Sunday is here, and I am definitely staying home today. I have a package from Amazon that should be arriving at some point during the day, and I really have no need to spend any money. It looks like there is a chance that we MIGHT be able to see the Blood Moon tonight, but that can always change depending on the weather. I will try to get some pics if I am able.
    Hal is at work today, and I have the place to myself along with the Stooges of course. Since it is not after noon yet, there is no football to watch. Thankfully, I can watch NFL Redzone rather than the awful choices given to us due to our location. 
     If I seem rather disinterested today, I am. I don't know exactly what is going on to make me feel this way, but the feeling is real. Perhaps it is the crappy weather this weekend that is affecting me, if it isn't that, then I really have no idea what is causing this. I don't feel depressed, just completely detached from things right now. Nothing has gone wrong here, in fact nothing has happened at all. 
     I'm hopeful that a good night of restful sleep will have me back to normal tomorrow. 

26 September 2015

Dreamer's World September 26 2015

    
    The weekend is here at last. After am extremely long day on Friday, Hal and I stayed home last night and had dinner before relaxing for the rest of the evening. Because Hal had to work today, he went to bed early. I stayed up late and ended up making a real mess in the kitchen. As I was making a drink, I knocked the glass over on the counter and before I could stop it, the liquid got to my BG meter. Frantic attempts to dry it off and prevent damage were fruitless, and so I had to go out to the local CVS which is open 24 hours to get a new BG meter.
    I really hate when I do something so clumsy like knocking a glass over. I have no one to blame but myself for the accident and the lesson is that I will NEVER leave my new BG meter in the kitchen on the counter ever again. It wasn't the expense, because the BG meter only costs $25, it was the inner rage at myself for being so clumsy and careless in the first place. I must have berated myself internally for about 30 minutes as I cleaned things up in the kitchen before I ventured to CVS to get the new BG meter.
    As I checked my diabetic supply bag, in which I keep my BG meter and other supplies, the damage from last night is noticeable so I have just ordered a replacement nag thru Amazon and that should arrive tomorrow.
On rare occasions, I will have these internal explosions. I know that they are not good for me, but sometimes a random event can trigger them like last night. I need to explore why this happens to me, and take steps to eliminate this from my life. I don't feel as if I am internalizing these things, perhaps it is just a way for me to release pressure from other things in my life without realizing it.
    As for today, I'm staying home. There is no reason that I have to go out and I need some rest anyway. I will be watching football and eating what is already here rather than ordering food. I want to save as much money as I can during this pay period. The weather is unsettled here as well, so that is yet another reason to stay at home now.
    We all need some quiet times in our lives. A time when we can rest, relax, and not have to worry about anything. I think that this weekend is just like that for me.
I really enjoyed Dr. Who this evening. I am more impressed with Capaldi every time I see him. To make the evening complete, UK managed to win a game this evening and they are now 3-1 on the year. Being a UK football fan is a difficult thing. Each loss can signify the long slide to oblivion that we are so accustomed to seeing. I am very happy that they won.

On that note, I am closing this post and want to wish everyone a great tomorrow.

21 September 2015

Drreamer's World September 21 2015 - The Promise and the Danger of Bernie Sanders

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I am feeling the Bern. I will be voting for Bernie Sanders in the Democratic primary, and hopefully in the general election in 2016. I am tremendously impressed with Bernie and what he stands for. I honestly believe that he is the best candidate for the job. I cannot describe how impressed I am when he speaks, because he doesn’t stoop to the negative campaign tactics that are polluting American politics. I respect the fact that Bernie doesn’t take corporate contributions and instead concentrates on small donations from everyday Americans.
So what is the danger? Let’s start with the Democratic Party. The Democratic Party seems hell-bent on nominating Hilary Clinton and they are not even trying to hide this from the public. The DNC has resisted called for more candidate debates, and the resulting uproar could come back to haunt them. It is not that I have anything against Clinton, I just feel that Bernie is the best person for the job.
The second part of the danger stems from the first. Most Democratic party leaders are reluctant to endorse Bernie, even if they agree with him. Could this be becasue they fear financial repercussions from the DNC if they stray from the fold? It certainly looks like it. This situation gives the public the distinct impression that the Democratic party doesn’t really care about what a large percentage of the people really want. If the Deomcratic Party cannot bring themselves around to the idea of President Sanders, then he will have won the election and will end up being basically powerless without any support from Congress.
I truly believe that Bernie is the right person for the job. But to be sure that he can win and do great things, we all need to support Progressive candidates in the House and Senate. Promises need to be extracted from those Representatives and Senators that they WILL support Sanders. It will be up to US to hold their feet to the fire and let them know that this is a real movement and that we are tired of the BS politics as usual.

Bernie Sanders is the best candidate for President, in my humble opinion. Let’s not focus strictly on him, let’s shine the light on the rest of Congress as well in order to make some real progress in this country for the first time in 40 years. Vote for Bernie, and vote for those that will support him. If Bernie is elected and has no congressional support, then his election will have been in vain, and that is the danger.

Dreamer's World September 21 2015


    I am actually starting this post on Sunday evening. Hal and I are watching an old Charlie Chan movie on TCM as a way to finish up our weekend. There is something nice about spending time together without a care in the world. I know that these movies are terribly dated, but they are still fun to watch, especially with someone you truly care about. Curling up on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn and spending the evening together is awesome.
Monday has arrived far too soon. I am ready to start work from home while trying to keep my mind off of our friend who is sick. Hopefully, Hal will be in touch with him during the day and I will find out the latest and if there is any way that we can help him at this time. I have resisted the urge to let other friends of ours know the news simply because I am old-fashioned about these things. I will not let anyone know until he has given permission to use his name and directed us as to who should know about his condition as well.
I am still hoping to hear from my old school friend who got her new job. I haven’t heard from her since Friday, but I know that she was extremely busy over the weekend. I hope that she is doing well  this morning and ready to dive back into her new job with the excellence that she displays in everything else. I feel so happy that I was able to give her some relatively good advice a few weeks back when she was at a low point.
The morning has started here with the normal routine. I had to physically remove Spartacus from my chair in order to get to my desk. This is an everyday occurrence since he likes to sleep in my chair at night. Stevie Nicks has chased Maxwell under the bed, and we won’t see him for a few hours as he takes his morning nap. Unless Maxwell hears the refrigerator door open or a can being opened, he will be quiet and out of the way.
Of course, the first obstacle that I must overcome is the normal Monday morning reticence of the company laptop to connect to the internet and then to the VPN. This happens every Monday, so it is nothing unusual, but it is extremely frustrating knowing that there is an avalanche of emails waiting for me since last Friday afternoon. Eventually, things will work themselves out and I can get on with ym day at work. Until then, I prefer the quiet over the noise anyway. Hal likes to watch TV during the day, so he is banished to the living room and I just close the door to maintain my sanity.
After approximately 20 minutes, the laptop has finally woken up and is now connected so I can start my day. I plan to pace myself and keep things on an even keel throughout the day here.
As lunchtime rolls around, I can say that I have caught up on everything this morning. The afternoon will NOT be loaded with conference calls for a change, and I really am grateful for the break in that particular part of my daily routine. I will have my weekly 1-1 meeting with my supervisor late this afternoon and that will mark the end of the day for me. Right now, as I finish my lunch, I am getting ready to update the team on my projects at the daily scrum meeting. Personally, I find all of these meetings rather distracting because it takes time away from tasks that I already have. Sadly, participation is not voluntary, it is mandatory.
Once the workday is over, Hal and I will figure out what we want to do early this evening. I wouldn’t mind taking a look at some new Dr. Martens boots, but that would be just looking right now. There is no reason to spend any money that isn’t necessary. We have food here for dinner from the items I cooked yesterday and that will be more than good enough. I just have to get through until payday and then I will be all set for the next 2 weeks. I am happy that I have come to the point at which my spending is no longer in danger of exceeding my income ;)
I often find myself back at the point of stressing about the importance of being comfortable with what I have, rather than what I would like to have. Each day I go through this I am more and more relaxed and at ease with the decisions I have made, and I am glad that I maintained the discipline necessary over the last several years to get me to this point. The last remaining debt I have will take some time to overcome, but I am on the way and there will be no stopping me!

As for the evening, I just convinced myself to stay home from re-reading my last few sentences :)

20 September 2015

Dreamer's World September 20 2015

    

    Another Sunday, another morning spent cooking in the kitchen. I have enough made now for meals for most of the upcoming week, with the exception of picking up a bottle of wine or two, but that can be done at any time. Now that the pots and pans are in the dishwasher, I can finally relax and watch some football on NFL Redzone. At least when I watch NFL RedZone I don’t have to watch Washington play and lose again. I am one of the people who will not use the officially licensed name of the Washington NFL franchise until it is changed, or until their mascot becomes a potato.
    I normally spend my Sundays with the NFL because I am staying home after cooking and saving money in the process. Hal is at work and won’t be home until late this afternoon. Initially, I had thought about going to brunch, but that would have just taken time away from cooking and pushed that back into the afternoon time frame. I think that saving the money is more important right now. I am trying to get ahead of my last bill and take care of that one as quickly as possible.
    The weekend has been a good one so far. It began with a company happy hour at a local establishment. Sadly, one of the group was only there for a short time but we still managed to mix woek and fun for a while. As I was at the place after the first coworker left, I got a call from an old friend in my hometown. She had recently lost her job and I had counseled her to broaden her expectations while looking for something else. I am very happy to say that the reason she called me was to let me know that she did find a new and better job that she is thrilled with! I was so happy to hear her news. We were texting throughout the evening, and I look forward to hearing from her again.
    Of course, for every + there must be a - and that also arrived Friday night. Hal got a call from a friend of ours and the friend told Hal that he has stage 4 kidney cancer. Since I didn’t speak to him directly, I only know what Hal has relayed to me. I am heartbroken to hear this news, and we will do what we can to help. Since the friend is usually very private about things, I was surprised that he actually called Hal at all. I suppose that is because he trusts Hal and myself, and that is something that we both treasure.
    Saturday was a blur. I was busy processing things from my friend with her good news and our friend with the bad news. Eventually, I realized that no amount of worrying would help the negative situation, and that I would help if asked, but instead I would focus on the positive situation and provide the help if any is needed there. Compartmentalizing things is a skill I have mastered through the years, it doesn’t diminish our friend who is struggling with cancer, but it does prevent me from focusing on that to the exclusion of anything else. There are several things that I need to find out about from our friend before talking more about it. Foremost is who we should notify about this, until that happens, our friend remains anonymous.
    Saturday night was the premiere of Doctor Who, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It took my mind off of Kentucky losing to Florida for the 29th straight year. I remain eternally pessimistic about UK’s football program so long as they cannot beat teams that they have to play every year. On the bright side, UK Basketball will start soon!
    Hal and I ended the night watching Svengoolie. The movie was an old Abbott and Costello film called “Hold That Ghost”. It was great for us to curl up together and relax for a few hours.
     This morning began with me heading to the kitchen to start cooking the chicken breasts that I had marinated since yesterday. I always like to take my time and cook enough ahead of time to have meals for several days since there is only Hal and myself to cook for. Cooking for two can be nearly impossible at times. I have often read that cooking for two is the worst scenario there is. Personally, I don't think it is that bad, but years together have given us the safe options that we can both agree on. The challenge is to not cook so much that the leftovers go to waste.
     Hal made it home but before we could catch up with each other on our respective days, his cell phone started blowing up. This happens a lot since Hal is from a large family. Then our friend who has cancer called, and Hal spoke to him for quite a while. He has sought out Hal's advice because Hal knows a lot about diet and what the best foods to eat are. I finally gave up and took a shower. We will catch up later this evening. With all of the time Hal spent on the phone, dinner will not be a real event this evening. No problem, because as I mentioned earlier there will be plenty for the next several days. 
     I am going to relax now before bed once I finish this blog post. I will try to keep current with our friend, and of course we all wish him nothing but the best during these difficult times. 

17 September 2015

Dreamer's World September 17 2015 - Nearing the End of the Week

Thursday is here at last, or as I like to call it, Friday Eve. I am glad to have made it through so much of the week already, and I am definitely looking forward to the weekend.
I managed to get my chiropractic visit in last night, and I feel tremendously better this morning. After I got home, I refused to watch any of the republiKKKan clown car show on CNN. There is no way in HELL that I would ever vote for those morons unless the voting machine is rigged. Sadly, I suspect that might be the case in areas of the country.
Just listening to what friends and people I respect have said about the debacle last night, I feel ashamed for our country. If this were happening in some other nation, we would be laughing our asses off and wondering how those people could possibly be so ridiculous. Instead, it is the rest of the world that is laughing at us as the media continues to cram this shit down our throats.
Personally, I gave up on the media long ago, What they tell you is what their corporate masters want you to know. Truth is not a part of their business model to be quite honest. I see people watching CNN, Fake News and the other networks in public spaces and their glazed-over eyes tell me that the corporate plan is working, and that our representative system is now representing only what the powerful want it to.
To be honest, the amount of stupidity is staggering. The media makes heroes out of the most undeserving people and then blasts the public with non-stop coverage of that person to the exclusion of all other “news”. I am far from the most intelligent person on the planet, but this bullshit is just impossible to miss.
Perhaps my internal aversion to the media, and to getting news from tv in general, has given me a different perspective, I certainly do not feel ill-informed on events. To the contrary, I often find others asking me what I think simply because I do NOT parrot the talking points that so many people accept as Gospel. I have always leaned more towards the cynical side because my parents taught me to question things in a detailed and serious way. I was taught that the answers that are supposed to cover every contingency for everybody are usually the biggest lies. This explains why I am an Atheist as well. The more someone has to tell me how great something is, the more I question it and their motives.
These are not feelings unique to Thursdays. I ask questions all the time. I suppose that there are instances when I should try to tone things down, but at the same time I want to help people if I can. Experience has taught me that most people are happy being stupid and led like lambs to the slaughter and that no amount of effort on my part will change this. Acceptance isn’t easy.
That is why I write about things like being happy with what I have rather than trying to walk all over people to get a little bit more than I already have. I see the entire system as rigged in a way that you simply cannot win. All the effort and thought that goes into the pursuit of something new or something larger is designed to keep people from being aware of things that are going on around them. The system is designed to prevent questions. The system is designed to punish those who think outside the box until they can be co-opted to be a part of the box.

I think about these things. I do what I have to do in order to survive and I try to be the best person I can be. I try to be kind and supportive to others. I try to maintain a space of my own that I can retreat to when things get to be too much. For that reason, I am glad that this week will soon be over.

16 September 2015

Dreamer's World September 16 2015 - Contentment

   



     Tuesday turned out to be busier than I expected at work. Meetings popped up on my calendar without warning, I had to juggle them around my existing schedule change since I left work early to go to the podiatrist for my annual exam and then on to pick up my new glasses (finally) early in the evening. Added to that was the phone calls and the instant messages from coworkers which kept me jumping all day while I was at work.

    I cannot say that any of this really surprised me. Returning to work after a much-needed and well-deserved week off, something like this was bound to happen. I will take some time to relax this evening and enjoy dinner with Hal. I have to get to bed earlier than normal because I have to travel to meet with the client tomorrow morning. I hope that tomorrow will go smoothly because it will end with my visit to the Chiropractor. I am really looking forward to that. I need to get the soreness and tension released from my body. My neck and shoulders are killing me and I need that relief.

    Having said all that, I am glad that I have a job to get back to. I have had times in my adult life when this wasn’t the case. I look back and wonder how I survived those times, but here I am. I have Hal and The Stooges, we all are healthy and have a roof over our heads. We are all happy with each other and not looking to mess things up. Life is actually pretty good now. The occasional hiccups at work are something that I can take care of.

    Life is always interesting, but not always easy. We need to learn to truly enjoy the good times. A key factor is that the good times are not always as evident as we would wish them to be. What passes for an ordinary day is actually a great thing if we stop to think about it. We are so driven to expect newer and better things that we seldom take the time to truly appreciate what we already have. Contentment is seen by too many as weakness or a lack of ambition, I disagree, I think that contentment is the place we all need to feel secure is ourselves. That place gives us the strength to go out and try to achieve even more. I need my place to feel comfortable and to retreat to at times. Home gives me strength and helps me to do even better in the real world.

    Don’t let yourself get so caught up in things that you are chasing that you forget what you already have. 



 

15 September 2015

Dreamer's World September 15 2015



Tuesday is a day that defies description. Monday is a day that writes itself, the laments on the weekend just past coupled with the sense of impending doom that the new week promises to bring. What Monday lacks for in desirability, it certainly makes up for in negativity.
Tuesday, on the other hand, defies a simple explanation. While one is joyful knowing that Monday is past, it is still too early in the week to truly contemplate the weekend that still looms so far away in the future. While the temptation to write Tuesday off is very strong, I see Tuesday as full of possibilities that we were too busy to notice on Mondays.
Perhaps Tuesday is a day to treat as a new starting point for the week. Monday is a universal washout, so why not start over? It certainly makes Tuesday seem better than it currently is. Nothing special happens on a Tuesday anyway.

14 September 2015

Dreamer's World September 14 2015 - Tragedy at Delta State University




Once again, we are confronted with the horrible spectre of another shooting at an American university. Delta State University is located in northwest Mississippi. DSU is a small school in a small Southern town. The name itself invokes images of peace and tranquility. Sadly that image has been shattered today.
The details are still sketchy, but apparently a professor was shot and killed in his office. Motive and killer are unknown at this time, but theories are already sprouting up. I won’t bother to go into any of them now because the fact remains that someone is dead. This is a tragedy, but one that we are slowly becoming immune to due to the lack of efforts to control gun violence in this country. It is a shame that there is a small minority that wants to continue the status quo, with all the violence, because they feel “threatened”. What about the people who are dead as a result of gun violence? They were threatened as well.
The old arguments are ridiculous. There is NEVER a good guy with a gun to stop the bad guy with a gun. That is some kind of tv western fantasy scenario that some people cannot let go of. We cannot live in a civilized society for long when the risk of random violence is so great. We need stricter gun control, but the tragedy at DSU will not provide the spark. If the MURDER of 20 CHILDREN at a school in Connecticut wasn’t able to do it, I don’t know what it will take.
For now, we are supposed to be comforted that there is only 1 victim from today’s tragedy. I submit that this is 1 victim TOO MANY. How many more incidents like this are we seriously prepared to handle?
The mainstream media simply wets their collective pants every time something like this happens. They bring in their so-called “experts” to say the same things that they said the last time a tragedy like this happened. They create “BREAKING NEWS” segments to exploit the situation. They leak theories like faucets and then claim to be “responsible” journalists. They treat these events like ratings boosters rather than covering them as tragedies and attempting to create public debate on what can be done to prevent these things from happening again.
Sadly, the mainstream media reacts completely differently when one of their own is the victim. The tragedy in Virginia recently proved this. All of a sudden, there is a real person who was attacked and killed in cold blood by a murderer. The victims of EVERY incident like the one at DSU deserve the same respect.

Dreamer's World September 14 2015



I returned to work this morning after having last week off. I really needed the time away from the job. It helped me to clear my head and relax. I wish that I was still on vacation, but I really couldn’t justify taking any more time right now. Perhaps if I had bought a winning lottery ticket...........

Actually, I don’t mind getting back to work that much since I already work from home. I am spending time this morning wading through the mountain of emails that arrived last week. Apparently, providing an extended absence response doesn’t help some people. I will apply the required amount of interest that my Type B personality feels is necessary to these items as I go through the day.

The time together with Hal was wonderful. Last night I made dinner for us both as a way to mark the end of my vacation. I really need to cook more around here and eat less frozen entree’s and fast food. I did notice that by the end of last week that my BG was really starting to stay in the excellent range. A big part of this was the weather change that happened as things cooled down considerably. This always happens when the seasons begin to change. While I will miss Summer, I have to admit that I feel great with my BG within normal range.

Hal also enjoyed the time together. We didn’t make any extended day trips last week, but that was fine with me. In fact, I spent less than $200 the entire week and most of that came in one day when I got some new shirts and ties. I am trying to keep all that I can in the back right now, and transfer more money to savings from checking after next payday. I am building up my account in order to really attack the last credit card as soon as possible. Experience has taught me that this takes time, and that trying to rush things never works out well.

I am sad to hear about yet another shooting at an American campus, this time it is at Delta State University in Cleveland, MS. How many more times will we have to endure these tragedies before we actually DO SOMETHING about the problem of gun violence in America? I am tired of hearing RWNJ whining about their “freedom” being under attack when people are actually being KILLED. The right to Life is greater than the right to have a gun, period. That terrible news interrupted my lunch. I made the mistake of checking Twitter, where real news gets reported first.

I plan to take a nice long walk after work to the grocery store for a few necessities before dinner. I am already looking forward to dinner with Hal this evening, even though it will be warmed up from last night, it will still be wonderful and delicious.

One thing that my week off really reinforced was the connection that Hal and I share with each other. After over 15 1/2 years, we are stronger than ever. In many ways, this has cost us some friends. I say that because they are unable to compromise when they are looking for that special someone in their own lives and I suppose that some of their frustration gets transferred to Hal and myself. This is their loss, we learned a long time ago to just cut them loose when they act up like that because it always indicates some deeper problems that we weren’t aware of. Experience is the best teacher.

I find myself wandering all over the place with this blog post, so be it. I am getting back into the routine here after my time off. I honestly was so burned out from work that my blogging suffered that last week before I took time off. I feel much better now and am ready to get back into the habit of daily posts once again.

11 September 2015

Dreamer's World September 11 2015

    Today is a day when I will completely boycott television. I refuse to be part of the enforced militarism that this day entails. I grieve for those who lost their lives 14 years ago, but the best way to honor them is to move forward. I have watched this day become a disgusting faux-patriotism quasi-religious noxious mixture that is poured down our throats each year. I will not be boycotting television for the first time on this date, it became apparent that this was going to be a pattern after the first 2-3 years of this type of “rememberance”.
    Initially, this day was used to drum up support for an unnecessary war that we were led into with the patriotic music blaring all around us. The facts later proved that the war was a mistake, and today we are still finding out the true damage that was caused by the incompetent action of the GWB administration.
    I have been called every name in the book by those who demand that I conform and take my assigned place in the hysteria and emotionalism of this day. I wear their disdain as a badge of honor, and I wear it proudly. The politicization of the tragedy truly diminishes it in my eyes, and I cannot in good conscience pretend otherwise. This blog post might provoke more of that hatred towards me. I can handle it.
    Other than the tragic loss of life on this day 11 years ago, the most disturbing result was the ease with which so many Americans willingly gave up their individual freedom in favor of the collective mass enforced fake patriotism. In my 51 years, I have never seen Americans so easily turn on each other over the definition of what it means to be an American. Tyrants throughout history would be proud that their lessons live on after they are gone, especially in the USA.
    The willingness of RWNJ to put these false divisions into our society is apparent in many other ways every single day of the year. The revelations about police brutality that should alarm us instead have emboldened RWNJ to believe that the police can do no wrong. Anyone who supports BLM must, in their warped opinion, be somehow “un-American”. People who come to this great land seeking a better life as has been the case for centuries, are “illegal” and cannot possibly be considered “refugees”. Refugee implies legitimacy, “illegal” does the opposite. Yet here we are, 14 years later, more divided than ever with a group that is so hell-bent on chaos and hatred.
    The hatred displays itself in other ways. The ridiculous situation with the Kentucky clerk who refused to perform her JOB because of her “religious” beliefs, also called HATRED, just showed how well the RWNJ have infiltrated into every aspect of society. Disagree with them and you are not only “anti-American”, you must also be evil because you don’t agree with their vision of some imaginary being that allegedly guides their miserable lives.
    I will be boycotting the TV today. My mind is my own. SHould you choose to take part in the ceremonies for any reason, I respect your choice, and hope that you will respect mine.

10 September 2015

Dreamer’s World September 10 2015 - A Much Needed Break


Recently, I took a break from my attempt at daily writing. It has been 9 days since I last wrote anything worth publishing. I was just too exhausted from work and waiting for my vacation to arrive. That vacation has finally begun. I feel so much better and hope that the time will allow me to recharge my batteries that had been so badly drained throughout this year.

I want to spend time with Hal and The Stooges, get out of here on a few small day trips if possible, and learn to let things go all over again. So far, those things have been accomplished. I am feeling alive again after my down time. I am planning to take Hal somewhere he has talked about going on Thursday, rain or shine. I owe it to him for being su.ch a wonderful partner and also the most important person in my life as well as my best friend.

It seems somehow appropriate that I am suffering from insomnia again, but this too shall pass. I can take the time that I would normally spend sleeping and try to recap things. I have to start with what happened on Wednesday. Hal and I were out just looking around and hwe went into a store that sells men’s cologne. We were just checking things out when Hal suddenly told me to get something that I wanted. I was stunned at this, and I asked him again if he was really serious. He told me that he was and that he wanted to get something for me. I am never speechless, but I couldn’t find the words to say how much I love him at that point. His expression told me that he knew anyway.

Hal made the gesture because he had seen how worn down I had become. I cannot thank him enough, and I will wear some of the cologne whenever we are back out together. Love is never far away from us if we are brave enough to let it all in. Love is something that has defied explanation throughout history, but we all know it when it is present.

I had thought of writing about the ridiculous situation in Kentucky over the past week or so, but I realized that I was in no shape to write anything worth reading. My focus was gone, I simply needed a rest from the daily routine that I had fallen into without meaning to. I managed to stay active on social media, and I made some comments on blogs that I follow from people I admire. I hope that my own writing will be appreciated by others in the future, but I write for myself first and foremost.

I am still torn between taking Hal and going on a day trip somewhere or staying closer to home. The Stooges need to be taken care of, and that is the main reason we haven’t traveled much so far during my break. Tomorrow I will take Hal to the place he has wanted to go. It isn’t that far away from here, but since Hal doesn’t drive unless absolutely necessary, I was always too exhausted to take him after work. That will change tomorrow.

I have resisted the urge to spend money during this time off. It isn’t the reason I wanted the time off anyway. I think that if I keep on saving in accordance with my plan, I am better off in the long term anyway. But there is one exception and that will be if I see something that Hal really likes. If I can do it, it will be his as my gesture of love and affection towards him.

The time off has made me realize what is important once again. It has made me grateful for Hal and The Stooges. Stevie Nicks and Maxwell just conned me out of some cat treats while I was attempting to write. Spartacus is asleep somewhere and didn’t hear the commotion, but I will love him later when he wants attention.

I speak of the Stooges as if they were human. In my eyes, they basically are. They are the loving children who will never require a car when they turn 16, they will never turn on us as an act of rebellion. Hal and I treat them with love and respect, and they return the favor to us every single day. We are all one family making our way through this world. We struggle against the outside world at times, but we work hard to maintain harmony within these walls. After nearly 16 years for Hal and myself, 14 for Maxwell and Spartacus, and just over 2 for Stevie Nicks, we are all doing quite well.

I suppose that this is the main point I am trying to make. We all have those times when we feel exhausted and helpless, but there are always those who will help us if we let them. That is what Love is all about.


Eventually, I will get back to posting on a more regular basis. For right now, I am enjoying the feeling of being alive once again.

01 September 2015

Dreamer’s World September 1 2015 - Put Kim Davis in Jail


Sometimes the system works the way it was designed to. I am referring to our system of checks and balances in the ridiculous mess caused by Rowan County, KY Court clerk Kim Davis. This sad, misguided individual has been in the news for the last few months for, to put it mildly, NOT DOING HER GODDAMNED JOB! There, I said it. This woman has loudly proclaimed that her faith in some god or another entitles HER to ignore the laws that she is sworn to uphold based on her position as an elected official in the first place! I am sure that in order to satisfy the citizens of Rowan County, KY that she placed her hand on a Bible and swore to do just that. I conveniently ignore the fact that our Constitution states quite clearly that there shall be no religious test required to hold public office:


The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.


http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/constitution_transcript.html


At any rate, since this woman took an oath to uphold the law, she should do so. However, Kim Davis decided that SHE knew better than everyone else and that SHE could interpret the law as she saw fit. Unfortunately, this is NOT in her job description.


The county clerk issues marriage licenses (KRS 402.080) and files and records all marriage certificates (KRS 402.220 and 402.230). Military discharges may also be recorded in the county clerk’s office (KRS 422.090). On or before the 10th day of each month, the county clerk reports to the state registrar of vital statistics all marriage licenses issued and all marriage certificates returned (KRS 213.116). Each county clerk must furnish each applicant for a marriage license with a copy of a marriage manual to be prepared and printed by the Human Resources Coordinating Commission of Kentucky (KRS 402.270).


http://www.lrc.ky.gov/lrcpubs/ib114.pdf


This action by Kim Davis places her in direct conflict with her duties. At that point she should have done the honorable thing and resigned. Instead, she chose to make a public spectacle of herself and has exhausted all legal options. Interesting that she wanted protection from the legal system that she refused to acknowledge.


Next, there is the issue of nepotism involving Kim Davis. According to the Lexington Herald-Leader, Kim Davis worked in the county court clerks office for 27 years while her Mother was the Court Clerk. Kim Davis was elected when her mother retired, or chose not to seek re-election, I am not sure which of those is the case, but it does not affect the charge of nepotism. Added to this is the fact that Kim Davis’ SON now works in the same office.

When one considers that Kim Davis now makes $80,000 per year as the Court Clerk, plus whatever she made while working for her MOTHER in a county where the average income is around $35,000 per year and it looks like Kim Davis has a pretty sweet setup going for herself and her family.


http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/21/21205.html


http://www.kentucky.com/2015/08/27/4008562_rowan-clerk-faces-big-decision.html?rh=1


Kim Davis is an example of what is ugly about some Americans. She places herself ABOVE THE LAW and expects everyone to appreciate her. I hate to break it to her, but she is WRONG. In fact, the US Supreme Court has told her to go away and will NOT hear her request for a stay of a lower court ruling that requires her to DO HER JOB!

Kim Davis has a Constitutionally protected right to her beliefs, however misguided they might be. Kim Davis does NOT have a Constitutionally-protected right to be the Court Clerk for Rowan County, KY.

I hope that the Commonwealth of Kentucky will force her to leave office as a result of her contempt of court. Contempt of court is something that I am sure Kim Davis is familiar with, having spent most of her life in the Rowan County courthouse. I am certain that she felt no regret in sending those citations to other people. Now it is time for Kim Davis to face the music.

Kim Davis will have cost the citizens of Rowan County and the COmmonwealth of Kentucky millions of dollars by her ridiculous position. I hope that she is ordered to pay some type of restitution to partially compensate for those fees.

Of course, there will be those who will defend Kim Davis out of some misguided loyalty to some god or other. That is their right, but the country moves FORWARD, and those who choose to live in the past will be left behind.