22 August 2017

Dreamer’s World August 22, 2017 – Writer’s Block

    I am suffering from Writer’s Block. It seems that nothing I write recently is worth posting, and I am not sure what to do about it. I keep starting a blog post each day, and by the time I read it back to myself, I just delete it because it is pure garbage, at least to me. I think the real danger would be to stop writing altogether, that will not help me at all. So, I will try this once again and hope that I can finally break the mental barrier that seems to frustrate me.

    I am sure that exhaustion plays a significant role in the Writer’s Block. I will try to go to bed early this evening and hope for a nice, long, restful night of sleep. I know that will do wonders for my mood and my outlook on life right now. I will have to get some things done before I can go to bed, however, such as making dinner and catching up with Hal and spending time with The Stooges. Those things cannot be ignored. They are far too important to me.

17 August 2017

Dreamer’s World August 16, 2017 – Making It Through Wednesday

    I have had an interesting day. The OneDrive problem was corrected, and I am back to my normal routine for writing, and that is a relief for me. This morning I went to the client’s office and kept my mouth shut about politics, which was difficult for me. There are too many people working there who are supporters of the NAZI in the White House. I know better than to talk about things that will cause nothing but trouble. I know that if the subject comes up, those people will start screaming to make their point. While this is hysterical as far as I am concerned, it attracts other people and causes a scene.
    I had other issues to deal with this morning as I left the apartment. On my way down the stairs, I stumbled, and I am almost certain that I hyperextended my left knee. It has been sore ever since, but there is no swelling. I hobbled to the client’s office and then back home without any further injury. I will have it checked when I go to the Chiropractor and Acupuncturist tomorrow after work just to be certain that nothing is wrong.
    When I got to the Metro station this morning, the train that I boarded had no A/C. There is nothing worse than being on a packed commuter train with no air circulation. I exited the train after two stops and waited for another train which did have A/C.
    After all that, I made it back home in time to get lunch and start working again. Thankfully, the afternoon meetings were short, and I was able to get more things done around here rather than sit and listen to people arguing.
    I don’t think that we are going anywhere after I finish work. With a sore knee and Hal wanting to stay here, there is no need to go out. I will cook dinner, and we will have a quiet evening at home for a change. Hal is resigned to not being able to drive anymore due to his vision problems. I am not sure if I would handle that as well as he has. I will be the chauffeur from now on, and that is fine with me.

    With all of the hatred and chaos in the world today, I think it is ironic that I am happy with my own life, as well as Hal and The Stooges. I vow to let nothing interfere with our happiness even as we struggle to contain the hatred and chaos of the outside world and make it a better place for everyone.

15 August 2017

Dreamer's World August 15 2017 - The Best-Laid Plans

      We all need the right tools to write our personal blogs. Often we go through phases where we are completely convinced that we have found the perfect tools to make creating the blog posts easier. It seems like every time we find that perfect tool, something inevitably goes wrong. This is the case I have just gone through with this blog.
   I use a variety of software apps to write. Often the tools I use at any given time depending on what platform I am writing from at the time. Whether I am writing from a PC, my iMac, or scribbling something down on my phone, I always try to find the set of tools that will allow me to seamlessly move from one platform to another while writing the same post. Normally, this saves time and effort and generally makes writing easier. Until it doesn't.
   Because I spend so much of my day at work on a PC, I began to use OneDrive from Microsoft to start my blog posts. It worked well for me and allowed me to send my completed posts off without a lot of extra effort. Last Friday I noticed that there was a problem syncing my OneDrive. It has gotten worse, and this morning I am completely giving up on OneDrive until I can find a solution to the problem. I have gone back to Google Docs for now and am adjusting to the little quirks that I had forgotten.
   I really like to use the Grammarly app to check my spelling and context as I write, but there is no direct plug-in for Chrome at this time. To get around this problem, I am typing the post directly into the Grammarly app, and then I will copy and paste (ugh) it to Google Docs and then publish from there. This means remembering a new set of steps that I have to take to publish a blog post,
   I am a creature of habit. The longer it takes to resolve the OneDrive issue, the more likely I will resist moving things back to OneDrive. I wish that I was a programmer/developer so I could make a system that worked seamlessly and I would never have to go through this disruption to my routine again. Until then, I will memorize this system and make the best of it.

Dreamer's World August 15 2017 - Bouncing Back

More than enough has happened around here over the last several days. The world watched in horror as NAZIS killed an innocent woman in Charlottesville, VA. I won't attempt to write more about that right now because something more important happened yesterday, at least something that affects my little corner of the world.
   Because Hal cannot drive after dark, I took him to work yesterday in the early evening. Afterward, I stopped at the grocery store and then returned home. When the time came to go and get Hal from work, I left the apartment and drove to his work location and waited for him. He finished at work on time, and I brought him home safely.
   We did make one stop at the mailbox before we got to the apartment. I had a few items, nothing important. Hal had a letter from the Commonwealth of Virginia. The letter informed him that due to the changing standards for driver's licenses he is now no longer able to drive at all. This didn't come as a total surprise to us, and it is something that we have planned for over the last several years. Hal suffers from glaucoma, and his vision is not good. Thankfully, it has stabilized and has not gotten worse, but the standards have changed for keeping a Virginia license.
   For the last three years, Hal had a restricted license that specified he could only drive during daylight hours. That is the reason I always take him to work and pick him up on Monday nights. On Saturday and Sunday, Hal has been able to drive back and forth to work on his own. Now, I will take him to and from work on the weekend and Mondays as well. Since we knew that this day would eventually arrive, we have prepared for it. We won't have to make any drastic changes to get through the situation.

   When you love someone, you do whatever it takes to get through the years together. In January Hal and I will celebrate 18 wonderful years together, and we hope for many more years to come.

11 August 2017

Dreamer’s World August 11, 2017 – Keeping A Secret

    Keeping a secret is hard to do, but worth the effort. I can keep a secret very easily, but it is something that I had to learn to do through the years. Keeping a secret means that I am trustworthy to those who share their secrets with me, and I am proud to do so. Keeping a secret also means that I have my secrets and I don’t tell them to anyone some of the time.
    For more than two months, I had a secret and kept it from everyone, including Hal. The reason was simple; I wanted to surprise Hal for his upcoming birthday. Since Hal will be working on his birthday, I made plans to have his presents and his surprise gift waiting for him yesterday. Thanks to the convenience of Amazon, getting his gifts here was not a problem. They arrived yesterday and after I finished work I gave them to him. The look on his face was reward enough, but there was one last surprise for him.
    I told Hal that I was taking him to dinner. I said we would leave at 1800 for dinner. I didn’t take him to the restaurant. Instead, I drove to the acupuncturist's office, saying that I had to settle a bill with the insurance copay. When we got there, Hal wanted to wait in the car. I finally told him that things might take a while and that he should come inside with me. I had to force him to leave the car, but he still didn’t know what was going on.
    Once we were inside the office, I told the staff that “I have him here now.” I revealed my secret. I saw Hal silently mouth a comment to me as he realized that he was going to have an acupuncture session for the very first time. The secret that I had been keeping from him for nearly two months. After nearly 18 years together, I can read Hal very well, and the expression told me that I had successfully kept my secret from him.
    Hal enjoyed the acupuncture session. Perhaps he will go back again. After we had left the office, he told me how I had fooled him by keeping the secret. He was totally surprised, and that was the point. I enjoy keeping a secret until the time is right to reveal it.
    

10 August 2017

Dreamer’s World August 09, 2017 – The Latest Temper Tantrum from Illegitimate NAZI in the White House

    After yesterday’s unhinged rant from the NAZI in the White House, the time has come once again to say that this idiot is completely nuts! To think that he somehow is supposed to represent this nation (in my opinion, he does NOT, and never will), is frightening.
    I saw the temper tantrum and was stunned by the body language that I saw the NAZI use. He crosses his arms like he is hugging himself. I see nothing but a spoiled brat who wants his way and will make threats to achieve what he wants. Sounds like the other brat in this situation, Kim Jung Un, doesn’t it?


    The expression is another sign that this is a very immature human or perhaps a moderately above average orangutan with delusions of grandeur.

07 August 2017

​Dreamer’s World August 07, 2017 – Noticing The Difference As Summer Goes On

I woke up this morning at 0600, my normal time for the start of a workday and noted how dark it still was outside. There is nothing alarming about this, just another sign that time is moving along despite our wishes that Summer go on forever. I find myself remembering when I was a kid and how much I enjoyed every single summer day, or so it seemed at the time. I wonder how I will feel when Autumn arrives, and Summer will be a memory once again. 
There is nothing magical about the passage of time, but our memories make it seem so. There are times when I can almost feel the sun on my skin as I remember summer days as a kid. I can vividly recall details and find myself reminded of particular days at random. I can recall hitting a baseball, diving off the high board, running through the grass, and looking around and feeling the wonder of existence when I was young. I remember thinking to myself, wondering what my life would be like when I was an adult. 
I suppose that those memories are my childhood calling out to me, reminding me that I still have a sense of wonder about the world around me, no matter how cynical I have become as I have gotten older. I am wiser nowbut not happier. Responsibilities take up most of my time, and I have to work even more to find the time to do what I want to do. The loss of innocence is the price we pay for growing up. We lose a part of ourselves and regret it. We force the child into hiding, to be replaced by the adult. The child tries to get out at times when our memories are triggered, but the sad part is that we condition ourselves to ignore these cries for help and understanding because we are supposed to be “mature.” This Monday, I wish that I was a child again, if only for a little while.  

05 August 2017

Dreamer’s World August 04, 2017 – I Feel Like Celebrating

    I have reached the end of the week. I had my doubts that this day would ever arrive. This week has been busy at work, and I am more than ready for the weekend to begin. Completing projects and then submitting self-assessments before the deadline is something that I am glad to finish.
    I will enjoy the weekend no matter what I decide to do. As my Friday at work winds down, I am already thinking about things I might do and places I might go. Hopefully, Hal will want to get out for a little while this afternoon with me.
    I realize how lucky I am every day. I just told Hal that he gets more handsome each time I see him, and that is many times per day. I think he appreciated that 😊

    The last hour of a Friday afternoon at work is always the longest of the week. Today is no exception. I want to get out of here and enjoy the beautiful weather with Hal. I want to get a good night of sleep so I can wake up refreshed tomorrow for whatever happens then. 

04 August 2017

Dreamer’s World August 03, 2017 – Feeling Better After A Good Night Of Sleep

    I slept for nearly 9 hours last night, and I feel so much better this morning as a result. I needed that rest this morning since there have been all sorts of system problems as I started work. I had to cancel my weekly meeting invite after a long time, and a new one sent out to accommodate updates to the system, and that has been a real pain in the ass. At least I made the necessary updates and got the invitations out on time this morning. I will conduct the meeting and make any necessary changes.
    Today will be the last busy day of the week. In addition to the normal workload, I have to submit my self-assessment for the last three months as part of the company process. I dislike writing my assessment because I hate writing about myself regarding what I do to get a raise. It seems like a no-win situation because if I write a terrific review, I know it will be slashed to make it more “realistic.” That is to say; the company will edit it down to justify a smaller raise. If I write a mediocre assessment; the company will be more than willing to accept it and give me a smaller raise.
    Once the workday is complete, I will go to the Chiropractor and Acupuncturist for a visit. I know I will feel better afterward. It will take away most of the stress that I have accumulated over the last few weeks. After those appointments, I will probably come home and go to bed early unless Hal has other plans and needs to go out. Since he cannot drive after sunset due to his vision, I will always be his chauffeur.
    The more I think about things, the less likely it is that I am going anywhere after work other than my appointments unless Hal wants to do something. I need to save money, and the best way to do that is to stay right here at home. I am very fortunate to be in the position I am. There is no reason to mess things up by wasting money.

    Having said that, Hal and I did end the evening at one of the local Indian restaurants with a wonderful dinner together.

03 August 2017

Dreamer’s World August 02, 2017 – A Rough Start To The Day


    Wednesday started out with a feeling of exhaustion. I got up early and made my way to the park and ride lot, so I could catch the bus to the Metro station, and then ride the train into DC to meet with the client. I was at the bus stop, and I noticed more people there than normal. Everyone seemed to be in a rush to get somewhere. The feeling was unsettling to me; I despise sensing panic and frustration from people. Combined with how tired I was, this day was off to a rotten start.
    The feeling of desperation on the bus was so thick I could cut it with a knife. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a knife available. The 15-minute ride to the Metro station was unbearable, and I was glad to exit the bus at last. I avoided the mad dash to the train platform and hoped that things would get better, but they didn’t. Everyone who had just missed the train that had just left was in even more of a panic, and that mood was so palpable it was affecting those people who had arrived from other buses or driven themselves to the station. I did my best to keep the anxiety at bay, but the tension stayed with me until I arrived at my destination.
    Once I was at the client’s office, I deliberately took time outside to wash away the crappy atmosphere that I had experienced on my trip into the city. After a few minutes, I felt well enough to venture into the office and start my visit. Once inside I found that I had to deal with some personnel issues that involved the client’s organization and had nothing to do with me. I was uncomfortably sitting in the office as the people involved were acting out their frustrations in public and found myself wishing that I had decided to stay home today. The exhaustion was still nagging at me as all of this was going on, so it was not a pleasant start to my time there.
    Eventually, management resolved the disruption, and I took care of the things that brought me there in the first place. Due to the problem I just mentioned, I didn’t meet with the people I normally meet would. I was just glad to leave there earlier than normal and head back home to resume my workday. I felt better and less exhausted as I left the office. I wonder if I had some premonition about trouble there and it affected me up to then.
    I came home and resumed my daily routine and had my lunch. Right now I am sitting through the usual round of afternoon meetings as well as preparing my teleconference presentation for tomorrow morning. I told Hal about my morning, and he thought that I might have been right about a having a premonition. I hope that the afternoon will be quiet. I am going to run a few errands after work while Hal stays home since he is having the cable company help him with installing a home phone as part of their service package. I don’t want to sit around waiting for the technician to show up here.
    The meetings are over with for the day, and I can finally start to relax. I might just stay home and take a nice long nap rather than go out. Once the cable technician has finished with the new phone hookup for Hal, we might get out, and if we do, I will feel rested. I can run errands at any time when I am not at work, so there is no rush at all this afternoon. A quick check of my bank account reveals that I am in decent shape right now, but I don’t need to spend anything extra unless it is necessary. I know that this is the right decision, and I am happy with it.
    The cable technician is here now, an hour earlier than predicted which comes as a surprise. I am slowing down as my work day draws to an end in an hour. Hal just tried to call me from his new phone. It rang on my cell phone, but I could not hear him at all. I tried calling him without success. Luckily, the cable technician was still downstairs in the parking lot, so Hal has gone down to talk to him about this problem. Hopefully, it will be solved quickly. I don’t want Hal to have a lot of trouble with his new phone right away.

    I don’t know what the problem was, only that it involved my cell phone. Once I restarted it, I was able to hear Hal when he called me from his new phone, so the perceived problem was my fault. The main thing is that he is happy and I can now proceed to wrap things up here and prepare to rest.

02 August 2017

Dreamer’s World August 01 2017 – Back To What Passes For Normal Around Here

    I am ready to start this day. I will make the best of it and do whatever is necessary to make it an excellent day for Hal and The Stooges as well. Since it is finally the first day of August, I will try to take a completely new approach to things. I wrote in the past about how July seemed just to go on and on forever, so today feels like a fresh start for me.
    I expect another quiet day at work. I hope that will be the case. Since everyone is exhausted from the push to meet their goals for the reporting period that just ended, I feel like it will be quiet. The first day of any month means I can start new things and make sure that I have resolved old items. August is the month when I select a gift for Hal’s birthday; I think that I have the gift he will like, and it will be a surprise.
    I am ready for the first meeting of the day to go over some new ideas for the future if everyone shows up for the meeting. If not, I will just make phone calls to fill them in later. Thankfully, the meeting went well, and I can take the time to think about what to do for lunch. The next round of meetings doesn’t start until 1100, so I have some time. I can make lunch without any trouble since I work from home. I enjoy making lunch without really interrupting work during the day. Cooking gives me a welcome distraction from the routine stuff.

    I only have one more meeting for the day. After that, it will be time to start shutting things down here. Hal wants to go out, so that is what we will do so he can pick up some tech item for his telephone. From what he says, he will get a home number through the cable company. Since it will be his number, I have no problem with it.

31 July 2017

Dreamer’s World July 31, 2017 – No Longer Surprised At The Tragedy Of Pete Rose

I am old enough to remember the days before cable tv. We got to see one baseball game per week, and that was Saturday afternoons on NBC with Joe Garagiola and Tony Kubek. Occasionally, my Dad and I would watch a game together. One of the teams that were on more than others were the Cincinnati Reds. I can still remember all the great players. Bench, Morgan, Perez, Concepcion, Foster, Griffey, etc. However, there was one name that my Dad never gave credit to, and that was Pete Rose. I still remember my Dad saying that “something’s not right about him.” He never alluded to anything specific, and I am sure that he didn’t know any of the shit that would later rise to destroy Pete Rose. I suppose it was just an instinct that he had after years of dealing with people. Because I trusted my Dad, I also never developed a fondness for Pete Rose as a player.
    By the time the gambling scandal broke, I was older and wiser. I was still amazed at my Dad’s ability to read this person just by seeing him on TV. I won’t bore anyone with the long and sad story of Pete Rose, but I will post this link that shows how today it got even worse:



Dreamer’s World July 31, 2017 – A No-Pressure Monday

    Monday is here, and I found out that everything is ahead of schedule and that my supervisor is taking a well-deserved day off. Since I met my goal on time last week, this means that I am under almost no pressure today and that is a wonderful feeling! In fact, the first thing that I can do this morning is to go through my mountain of emails very thoroughly this morning and make sure that there are no traps waiting for me there.
    I hope that today will be a calm and peaceful day to allow me to catch up on a few other things that had to slide as the reporting period deadline was looming last week. I didn’t necessarily let myself get caught by the deadline; it was the shifting emphasis on things as other people were struggling with their deadlines that were affecting my schedule and plans.

    I am still impressed with the Grammarly app as I use it to write. I like the unobtrusive way that it highlights errors and makes suggestions for not only spelling but also grammatical errors that I make without realizing. As I use this more, I know that I will uncover bad writing habits that I can correct. It is a game in which I try to produce a perfect document.
Hal The Cat ran into the bedroom/office just now in a frenzy. I thought that Stevie Nicks was chasing him, but I didn’t see her. Hal The Cat immediately settled down on the bed, and I snapped this picture of him. It makes me wonder what Hal The Cat has in mind, and how quiet the day will be around here?
    Another thing that is on my mind today is the never-ending daily rut. I will work today and then take Hal (person) to his job later this afternoon and then go and pick him up late tonight. In other words, just another Monday around here. I want to practice my guitar while Hal is at work and will make every effort to do that. I did the cooking yesterday so that we will have meals for most of the week, and I also have taken care of the errands that were necessary. Coupled with a quiet day at work things are looking well for me.
    At least July is finally ending. I don’t have anything negative against the month itself, but this year July has just dragged on forever. I wonder if August will be the same? Only time will tell how that turns out. Worrying too much about things like that are never going to make a difference anyway. I am going through the normal motions with the afternoon meetings, with no inputs that the organizer wants to hear, so I just say that I have nothing to report. In between these meetings, I will fix lunch for myself and just make it through the afternoon. At times like this, I wish that Monday was not my long day at work.

Dreamer’s World July 30, 2017 – Another Quiet Day, With Sunshine

      Once again, I find myself here on a Sunday morning looking for something to do to pass the time. I am thinking about a quick trip out for lunch so I can also enjoy the beautiful weather, and perhaps, a trip to the vaping store to shop around. To be truthful, I don’t need to do any shopping because I need to save money for the time being. As I make up my mind, I am taking the time to write and relax with the peace around here. I know that tomorrow will bring more chaos and turmoil into my life, so I want to keep those things at bay until then.
    I am using the Grammarly app as I type again today and I am pleased with the results so far. I notice that the errors are not as plentiful as they were yesterday when I was writing, so it seems to be working for me. Becoming a better writer is important to me on both a personal and professional level.
    I'm not sure why, but July seems to be going on forever this year. Perhaps it is because of the project deadline that I was up against, but that doesn’t appear to explain things. It will become apparent to me in time, and I will not worry about it until then. At least, Tuesday will mark the beginning of August as the year moves forward.

    I have not gone out yet. There were things had to do around the apartment, such as laundry and cleaning up, and changing the bed linens. I think that I will just wait and see if Hal wants to get dinner somewhere after he arrives home from work. 

29 July 2017

Dreamer’s World July 29, 2017 – A Break That I Needed

Yesterday, I was just too exhausted to write. Even though I had the day off from work, I was committed to a retirement ceremony in the morning. After I had arrived home, the tiredness caught up with me, and the weather was turning nasty. After a short trip out with Hal, we came back home, and I fell asleep on the couch. We stayed home all evening, and I got a good night of sleep.
I want the only one who got some rest. The Stooges are also taking it easy this morning

Now Saturday morning has arrived, and I feel much more alive. I made certain that Hal got off to work on-time and I am once again enjoying the quiet time here for a while. I will get out to take care of a few errands later, but I don’t plan on going very far. I might not go out at all, to be honest.
The weather is much cooler and cloudy this morning. It gives me a sense of calm, and I am enjoying this writing time without any interruptions. I was disappointed in myself by not writing yesterday, but I realize I needed the break. The thought of just staying home is more appealing than ever. I relish the quiet and I can take the time to recover from the last two weeks, with all the hectic activity that never seemed to end.
One new thing that I am trying is a software app called Grammarly. I was so frustrated with the writing that I had to do for my project. Spelling errors happen at the best of times, but I was writing in the passive tense, I was annoyed with myself. I found that this was right while using Grammarly to review my writing. My goal is to write more clearly and concisely. I want to get my points across as best I can, so my readers will understand my blog posts without becoming bored with extra words.
Using Grammarly means that I am slowing down the frantic pace of which I write a lot of the time. I take the opportunity to see what Grammarly doesn’t like about my writing, and then I make the recommended changes without losing the overall point of the post. I like the sidebar window that shows me the errors after I finish typing. I then go back and make the changes and move on.
I know that changing bad writing habits will take time and effort, but all things worthwhile require this. I consider this investment for myself, and I know that I will get better in the future. Thankfully, Grammarly is available on multiple devices, and I can always access it to check my writing wherever I am. Grammarly will help me when I start my next writing task at work.

It is lunchtime, and I didn’t realize it until l looked at the clock. Time to take a short break from here and get myself organized.

26 July 2017

Dreamer’s World July 26, 2017 – One Little Thing That Affects The Rest Of The Day

    I made my weekly trip to meet with the client this morning. Everything went well, but I was delayed for a few minutes departing from their offices. This meant that things snowballed, and by the time that I reached the last Metro stop, I had missed my connecting bus by less than 2 minutes. This failure of timing meant that I had to wait for an hour to catch the next bus that would get me back to the park and ride lot where my car was parked.
    Although it was a beautiful morning, the delay and the resulting boredom just killed my motivation for this afternoon. I still have to work on the writing project I mentioned yesterday. Being tired to start probably means a difficult time for me as I struggle through it. Of course, I also just got notified that there is ANOTHER meeting that will keep me at work for at least an extra 30 minutes. Therefore, my main goal will be to survive the rest of the day at work and then to see what Hal wants to do afterwards.

    We went to pick up a few things after work and then came back home early. I will try to get to bed on time this evening. Tomorrow is my last day of work for the week since I am taking Friday off. I am relaxing at home with Hal and The Stooges, and I am having the time of my life.

Dreamer’s World July 25, 2017 – At Least It Isn't Monday Again

    The best thing about Mondays is that they eventually turn into Tuesdays and life moves onwards. I was working on the project document all day yesterday before I held a meeting with my supervisor who has a lot of experience with technical writing. We smoothed out more rough edges on my document and I believe that we are finally in the last phase before completion. It will be a huge relief to me to finally have this done, and I hope that next time will not be as painful and unpleasant for me.
    This morning, I am happy to report that I slept very well. I feel much better and am looking forward to continuing work on the project so it will be complete by the end of the week. Thankfully, I won't have to take Hal to and from work again this evening and I can try to get some more rest tonight. I find it amazing how much sleep can affect how I feel overall. Gone are the days when I could stay up late almost every night and not feel any effects.
    One thing that my professional writing experience has taught me is I need a better spell check software app than the one that comes with Microsoft Word. I am running a comparison between Ginger and Grammarly for the time being, so I can detect errors in spelling and context. I will decide which one is best for me after a period of time. I tend to get rather sloppy when I write and the most annoying mistake I will make is to capitalize the first two letters in a word. I would love for either Ginger or Grammarly to detect this, especially when I am typing in the Google Doc format. I suppose that this is one small benefit of the experience.

    My day has been spent working on the document until I go blind from proofreading, followed by rest and then some short bursts of more creative writing in this blog. The afternoon will repeat the same pattern except that there will be more meeting that I must attend thrown in. I am already looking forward to the end of the workday at 1530. There are no plans to do anything this evening and that is fine with me. I need the rest and I hope that I can get another good night of sleep.

24 July 2017

Dreamer’s World July 24, 2017 – My “Cat-itude”

    Monday has begun. It promises to be a very busy day for me since I have far too many meetings to wrap around my work on my personal goal for the job. This is the writing task that I mentioned a few days ago in this blog. I am getting close to completing it and should finish before the end of this week and I will be extremely glad to see the end of it. The sad part is that this same writing will carry forward into the next reporting period since I have apparently inherited this role for the future. It makes me wonder if they are reading my blog?
    At any rate, I still take daily inspiration from The Stooges. There are times when I feel like I just want to go back to bed and let the world screw itself up without my help. Hal The Cat often chooses this approach and it seems to work very well for him. This is a very attractive option, but not very practical for me.
    Then there is the Stevie Nicks approach of exploring everything around me, even if I have seen it a million times before. This is the path I choose most often and it gives me a sense of wonder and appreciation for the people, pets, and places that surround me every day.
    And finally, there is the Spartacus approach. This consists of combining Hal The Cat and Stevie Nicks approaches into something entirely unique. Relax, enjoy the world around me, but make the world come to me for me to enjoy it properly without interrupting me any more than absolutely necessary. I am old and wise enough to have earned this privilege.

23 July 2017

Dreamer’s World July 23, 2017 – Seeing My Past

    I went to lunch earlier today and almost directly encountered my past. When I got to the fast food restaurant, I found a table for myself and began to eat. Then I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation from a few tables away. It was the type of conversation that is supposed to be held in hushed tones so the sound doesn’t carry, but in this case, either the acoustics or my own keen sense of hearing meant that I was inadvertently listening in.
    There were 2 men, each around my age, conversing at a table at least 3 tables away from me. Within a minute, it was obvious that they were meeting each other in person for the first time. It also sounded as if they had met online, so this was the proverbial “gay first date”. I know the routine well from my own experiences years ago, before I met Hal.
    They were feeling each other out as they spoke. Neither one wanted to give away too much information about themselves, and the conversation constantly floundered. It was inevitable that would drift back to the gay scene around DC, and how both despised it so much because it was so shallow. I understand everything that they were saying to one another, although my own personal experiences happened in places other than DC. The sense of wanting to find someone was palpable in each of them, but they handled it in different ways. One of them was constantly talking, apparently afraid that if he stopped, the other man would vanish. The other man was not attempting to say a word, either from boredom or from fear of interrupting and saying exactly the wrong thing so he would just utter the occasional agreement with the first man as he rambled on and on.
    Because of the layout of the tables, the man who wouldn’t shut up attempted eye contact with me several times. I suspect that he knew that I could hear them without being obvious. At one point, the other man turned around and glanced at me. It was at this point that I gave them both my most disapproving stare and they went back to their own attempt at getting to know each other.
    I found myself thinking about the times I had been in their positions in the past. Wondering if I was ever going to find that special someone, or was I doomed to constant “first dates” that ended up with nothing. There was a part of me that wanted to go to their table and shake them both by the shoulders and scream that they were doing this all wrong. Luckily, that impulse faded quickly. No good ever came from anonymous matchmaking. I did find myself thinking how they might be able to salvage what was obviously not going very well for either of them.
    The first guy needed to shut the hell up and let the other guy talk. He was coming across as desperate and needy and clingy. I would have told him that this is the worst approach to take unless he wanted to be taken advantage of repeatedly. He should have let the other guy talk, and if he wasn’t willing to talk then he should have gotten up and left without looking back.
    The second guy should have taken the initiative to speak up during the conversation. His reluctance to do so gave me the impression that he was bored and not really interested unless he saw the opportunity for a quick fuck. If he had been serious, he would have attempted to get more than a word into the conversation. If I were him I would have been thinking that the first guy was a loser who wanted someone to listen to and that he was hauling around far too much baggage from his past.

    The strongest feeling that I left the restaurant with was a relief. I have not had to play those games for nearly 18 years and I am thankful each day for that. I hope that both men find what they are looking for, once they take the time to really figure out what that is.

22 July 2017

Dreamer's World July 22 2017 - The Quiet Has Returned

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Saturday morning is here at last. I slept last night, but it wasn’t the deep, restful sleep that I craved. Instead, my dreams were vivid and yet I cannot remember much about them once I woke up. I made sure that Hal got off to work on time this morning and now I have the place to myself, well with The Stooges at any rate.
After a morning filled with wonderful nothingness, I ventured out for a quick lunch and then came immediately back home to bask in the quiet once again. Sadly, the Chromebook battery is almost dead so I will let it charge up for awhile before continuing this post. I feel like there is more to write about, even if it is somewhat boring to some readers.
The afternoon has passed by without incident. It has rained and that has finally cooled things down, at least for awhile. I personally won’t mind more rain to help cleanse the air, but I am thankful for what we got so far. I suppose that Hal is still about an hour or so from getting home from work, and I hope that he doesn’t have to drive through any storms to get here. I don't know that we will be doing anything after he gets home and I won’t worry about it right now. I am still enjoying the quiet time as long as I possibly can.

There are a few things that I would like to do this late afternoon or early evening, but the main thing is to be here with Hal once he is home from work. The things I have thought about doing can be accomplished tomorrow while he is at work just as easily as they can this evening.

Dreamer's World July 21 2017 - Different Types Of Writing Affect Me In DIfferent Ways

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I am done with my project for work, at least for this week. Initially, I thought that it would be something that I would find enjoyment in, since it involves a lot of writing. To my disappointment the task is heavy on structured format and short on real personal input. I have come to dread the time that I set aside each day at work to dive into this project, and that dread has had an affect on my personal writing as well. There have been days when the last thing I wanted to do was to write in this blog. That has been a terrible feeling for me, words cannot adequately describe it. Only someone who loves to write will understand what I am trying to say without my having to try anymore to elaborate.
When I began this blog several years ago, I told myself that I never considered myself a professional writer. I love to tell about how things are going in my life. I love to write about Hal and The Stooges because they mean so much to me. I will post articles that I find interesting on this site in the hope that others will find them interesting as well. I never thought of myself as a professional writer in any way at all.
Perhaps it was my own vanity that made me take on the assignment that I have come to dread. Perhaps I thought that through daily edits and endless quality-control meetings that somehow I would emerge as a better writer, but I don't feel that has happened. I am not disappointed by this lack of enthusiasm about the task, it is what it is. What really struck at the core of my being was how it affected my personal writing. That pain will take time to fade away.
I cherish the responses that I get to this blog. It means the world to me when someone finds some enjoyment out of what I have written down, sometimes far too hastily. People who love to write are fundamentally different that writers who do this for a living. I admire them and wonder how they manage to not go insane at times. The pressure of writing on a deadline isn’t something that I enjoyed.
I know that I still have learned something valuable from this experience. I know that I now have the knowledge to write on the technically professional level, I just don't enjoy it. Deadlines are simply evil to me, especially when they reach into something I love as much as writing.
I retreat into the more freeform style of Google Docs as often as I can to escape the tyranny of Word. I find myself more at ease without the software trying to do everything possible to stifle my expression.

Am I crazy? Or are there others out there who read this and feel the same way?

21 July 2017

Dreamer’s World July 21, 2017 – Finishing Up This Week

    This week of work is nearly behind me. I am looking forward to the weekend at last, and a chance to relax and get some things done around here that have been put off as I toiled on the project as the deadline approached. I still will finish early, but I am really tired of writing for a technical audience and want to let my mind run free once again. I am feeling great after a visit to the chiropractor and acupuncturist last night, although I could have used a bit more sleep. I was guilty of staying up later than I should in order to read.

    Perhaps Hal and I will make what we hope will be our final trip to the local thrift store with items that we want to donate after I am finished with work. This will help us to clear up the apartment even more than it already is, and make the place a more comfortable home. I know that this has been the most successful moving purge that we have ever had. All of the old clothing items are being doated to help those in need because that is the human thing to do.

Dreamer's World July 21 2017 - Another GIfted Artist Dies Tragically

Yesterday, we lost another brilliant musician and artist to personal demons. Chester Bennington of Linkin Park committed suicide yesterday. He was only 41 years old and left behind 6 children. I find it hard to understand why someone would do such a thing, but then I have never suffered from depression, nor have I faced the struggles associated with fame and fortune.
The important thing is that if Chester had not been a famous person, we would never had heard about this tragedy, but the impacts on his family and friends would have been just as devastating to them. We always try to find reasons for suicide that relate to some type of defect with the person when we should be looking more at the deeper issue of depression and how it can literally destroy someone’s life. We often wonder why someone like Chester would feel so desperate and are more than willing to blame drugs or alcohol and that somehow absolves society of the issue that depression actually does exist and that is really does destroy lives on a daily basis.
I don't know for sure if there were drugs or alcohol involved, but that isn’t really the point. Drugs and alcohol are means for people who suffer from depression to attempt to self-medicate because of the stigma that admitting to suffering from depression would place upon them.
People like Robin Williams, Chris Cornell, and now Chester would seem to have everything that one could possibly want. That sentiment is the first sign of the problem. When we believe that success equals happiness we have instantly ignored the condition of depression. When we see or hear of someone having a problem with drugs or alcohol, we morally judge them and then walk away instead of trying to find out why they feel that they need those things to cope with their own lives.
The real tragedy is that we will hear from Chester’s friends and family and then the “experts” will put together all of the warning signs that led to this awful event. Why don't we focus more on looking for those “warning signs” in everyday life so something can be done to help that person before it becomes a tragedy?
Opening up to someone about inner demons is never easy. People feel that an admission of such things will cause rejection and ostracism and they are often right. The problem with suicides caused by depression is that everyone is responsible, not just the victim. Any opportunity for human interaction on a deep personal and friendship level that is missed is just a step towards the ultimate destination. We need to care more about each other as people, and quit caring about what a person does, or what they have accomplished. We need to quit believing that “success” is the panacea for all problems. We need to love one another as brothers and sisters.