Dreamer's World August 25, 2018 - Why Depression?? Why Now??

Dreamer's World August 25, 2018 - Why Depression?? Why Now??

    I don't know what happened to me today. Every minute that passes sends me deeper and deeper into depression, and I don't know how to stop this spiral. Everything seemed fine this morning, and I had no idea that I would feel so despondent by evening, but it has happened, and I don't know what to do about it. I have isolated myself from Hal since bringing him home from work because I don't want to snap at him for no reason. He knows to give me my space at times like this, so now I am depressed and alone until this feeling passes.

    The picture of Snoopy And The Gang is a good indication of how I feel right now. I forgot to take a picture when the light was good during the day, the darkness seems more appropriate.

    I can't find the energy or the motivation to do anything now. Writing this blog post is a struggle, but I thought it might help to get something written in the hope that I might recognize something that would help break this pattern. I took a nap after bringing Hal home, but all that will accomplish is to keep me awake all night, alone with my thoughts. Nothing holds any meaning for me right now, and I am adrift without any oars and no shoreline in sight. I need to be alone because if I am around others, I will alienate them because I can never make anyone understand what I am going through at times like this. Some people are mean drunks, I am a mean depressive person, and that makes this much more unpleasant for me and those around me.

    I will take a nice hot shower in the hope that it will awaken me from this nightmare.  I am not optimistic, and I know from experience that this depression has to run its course and that there is very little I can do about it. I hope that I feel better tomorrow and will be able to look up at the world rather than down at the floor.

Tags: Post, ife, Depression
August 25, 2018 at 08:05PM
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