Dreamer's World August 17, 2018 - Letting Go

Dreamer's World August 17, 2018 - Letting Go

    I feel entirely refreshed today. I can now look back at the week just finished, and know that many things were weighing on my mind that I wasn't consciously aware. I was juggling so many things at one time and not feeling at ease with any of them, and I was just not centered and comfortable with life.

    One of our friends continues his struggle with his wife's cancer. The battle has been going on for nearly two years with no end in sight. She is getting weaker each day, but she continues to hang on. This crisis has affected our friend, and we are worried about his health. We saw him early last week, and he looks terrible. The strain is becoming too great for him to bear, and it shows.

    We have had no further news on another friend who committed suicide several weeks ago, or rather, any information about why he committed suicide. I washed my hands of things when I heard the news because we had not heard from the friend in several years. Whatever demons he was facing, he had chosen to meet them either alone, or at least without any help from us. Within our circle of friends, there is still a search for answers, and this has gotten to be annoying to me because I don't care anymore. I wrote in an earlier post that suicide is a selfish act that genuinely hurts those left behind. I stand by that sentiment.

    Facing two life-and-death situations is enough to unsettle anyone, and I am not superhuman. I do my best to cope with things, but I know that I cannot let them drag me down because I have always thought that a real friend is the one who can provide strength to those in need of it. Sadly, the friend who chose to take his own life never reached out for help, and our other friend is still too caught up with his wife and her illness to have time to reach out yet, but he will need to in the future.

    I dealt with Hal's birthday this week. He turned 65 and still looks incredible. I am the luckiest man in the world to be with him, and I sometimes wonder that it has been almost 19 years together.

    Finally, there has been work. Over the last two weeks, I have had to compose a summary of myself for the company to justify my existence. Yes, it has been self-appraisal time. I hate the entire exercise because it means bragging about oneself rather than doing the actual job. Today marks the end of this cycle since I will be meeting with my supervisor to go over my new plan for the next several months.

    Therefore, at the end of today, I am declaring victory from all of these things and enjoying the weekend. I needed the time to write and realize that I cannot control some things, and the ones I can are going to resolve themselves without further effort from me. It is vital that I take some time for myself. I need the time to breathe and let everything but Hal and The Stooges leave my life for a while.

    Yesterday I wrote about needing to write but not having the time. I know now that the real trouble was that I was just not willing to face up to the things that I just mentioned. That hesitation kept holding me back, and I am glad to be rid of it. Today is a fresh start. I am looking ahead now. I am done looking back for the time being. I am reclaiming my life. I will feel better after letting completely go of all the crap for a few days.

Tags: Life, Post, Stress, Relaxation, Worries
August 17, 2018 at 12:47PM
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