03 May 2016

Dreamer's World May 03 2016 - Clouds and Sun


The weather here remains unsettled. Lots of clouds forecast for the next week or so. Allegedly, there might be some breaks when the sun finally shines through on us, but for the most part, the gloomy weather is really getting old.
I suppose that this is a metaphor for life itself. There are times when things always seem cloudy, and we miss the warmth of the sun. The bad times seem to last forever, but the good times are never really that far away. After all, the sun is there above the clouds, it is all a matter of perspective.
We all wish that we were in the sunny times of our lives much more often than we really are. It is just a part of human nature to feel that way, but it is also very dangerous. Despairing of the clouds without realizing that the sun is still there can lead us to places that are better left unexplored. People who suffer from depression know this all too well. In fact, there are some people who actually feel more depressed just because it is a cloudy day.
Try as we might, this is a very hard habit to overcome, and in the case of those with depression, it becomes that much more difficult. I suppose that at times in my own life I could esaily have been described as depressed, possibly even diagnosed with the condition. I struggled with feelings of inadaquecy and isolation. I felt that I was destined to be alone and thought nothing more about it.
What I failed to realize at the time was that my own mood determined how others perceived me. I was fulfilling my own prophecy by believing that I was always going to be miserable. After all, who wants to hang around a person who seems to always be depressed and sad?
I wish that I could identify the moment in my life when the proverbial light bulb appeared above my head and I realized that I could change things for myself, but it wasn't anything like that. I know that meeting Hal (person) was a key point in my life. Slowly, I began to realize that there is just as much good in the world as there is bad. I saw that my perceptions could change if I was willing to let go of my security blanket of sadness long enough to see what else was out there.
It was a struggle, and there were times in the beginning that I attempted to run back into my shell like a turtle. Gradually, I saw that there was nothing that was going to hurt me unless I cnose to let it hurt me. I have more control over my own life than I had imagined. Other people could not set my moods unless I was willing to let them by surrendering myself to their wishes.
The first real lesson was that I had to get away from people who reinforced my bad moods. As I withdrew from them, I saw that they themselves were miserable and that the only way they could cope was to make everyone around them feel just as bad as they did. The severing of these relationships was rather painful for a brief moment, and then I felt a sense of freedom that I had not experienced since I was a child.
As I set myself apart from the people who had willingly or otherwise assisted me with my own depression, I began to find happiness. Once again, Hal (person) stuck by me through this time. When we first met, going out meant that I would drink with a purpose, and that was always to forget the bad things that had happened to me. I could easily go through 12 or more mixed drinks, shots, and beers in a few hours. Hal never once chastised me about it, and with a few months, I stopped that behavior altogether. I still enjoy a drink every now and then, but I no longer drink with a purpose like I used to.
It all sounds so simple now, but it wasn't easy. In fact, a lot of this happened subconsciously at the time. The key was that I had opened myslf up to other possibilities in life. Much like the sun hiding behind the clouds for a period of time, when I let the light itself back in, I became a better person.
Don't let the clouds get you down, the light is always there.