12 October 2015

Dreamer’s World October 12 2015

Today is Monday. Today is also a day off from work due to the holiday. It has started slowly, but Hal and I will be making a trip out later today to get a few necessities and to spend some time together. We won’t be making any long trip, or spending money that isn’t strictly necessary, and we will be staying close to home. With all those caveats, it doesn’t sound like much go a day, but in reality it is the way that we both want things.
Our days of running around are in the past. We are much more focused on each other and the Stooges and maintaining things. Stability is more important to us than surprises. This is a sign of a mature relationship. We are both happy and that is the thing that we both care about more than anything else.
There have been times when I wish that there were a few more surprises, provided that they are pleasant surprises, but it is comforting to know that we have what we have. It is comforting to know that we don’t truly need anything. The stability we have has strengthened out relationship through the years as we have watched friends struggle to even establish a basic long-term relationship with another person. We both see the pattern repeat itself over and over with these people. We both have increased our distance from them as a result because we have been their landing pad after too many emotional crashes in the past.
It is difficult to maintain distance from people when we see them in trouble. It is not that difficult when they have asked for advice based on how well we have done, and then they disregard that advice over and over in order to make the same mistake again and again. My fuse is much shorter than Hal’s when it comes to this. I honestly have learned that I can quickly and decisively cut the cord to another person after they act up. It might seem unfair to the person, but I have seen and felt the pattern repeat itself over and over too many times to want to go through it again.
Having said that, I also have effectively cut people off when they cannot keep their mouth shut about our business. When I tell something to a friend in confidence, I fully expect it to remain in confidence. Sadly, that almost never happens. Too many times I have spoken with one of the “friends” and later heard things verbatim from another person. In the past, I would just talk to the “friend” and let them know that they betrayed my trust. Now I just cut that “friend” off at the knees and go on my way. I feel much better about that decision rather than the self-imposed guilt trips that I would experience when I didn’t want to “hurt someone’s feelings”.
And so, Hal and I are happier than we have ever been due in part to our decisions to restrict who we let into our lives. It allows us to focus more on each other without the distractions. Honestly, Hal does maintain contact with those people more than I do, but it is still a far cry from how things used to be. By nature, I am ore of a solitary person than Hal is, so I accept the differences without any problem. I am happy with Hal and The Stooges. Anyone else who wants to get inside my walls has a lot of proving to do before I will allow that to happen.
If this sounds somewhat complicated, welcome to my world. We all have the different aspects of our lives and personalities to deal with. I simply find that I deal best with mine by focusing on what I have and hold dear, rather than longing for something that isn’t mine. I find that people who live in pursuit of things all their lives are seldom happy.
This is a subject that is very dear to me. I spent so much of my life trying to help others who obviously weren’t that interested in being helped, they only wanted the shoulder to cry on. I am not a selfish person, and I will help those who are genuinely in need, but I no longer bother with people and their petty problems on the pretense of being a friend because too many people confuse “friend” with “soft touch”. Hal and I have both learned that we cannot share everything in our lives with people because that only makes them leech from us, or at least try to. Those days are in the past for Hal and I. We just take different approaches on how to get there. Hal is more semi-involved, I am more the type to cut them off immediately and never look back. This combination works for us and that is what is important.
I am actually glad to write about this and get it off my chest. These things have to be said otherwise they will fester inside and turn toxic. Best to get them out in the open and then move on with my life together with Hal and The Stooges.