Dreamer's World October 30 2015 - Toxic People
The end of the week is here at last! I am glad to have this week, and this month, behind me. The end of the year is now within sight, and I can really begin to evaluate my progress made this year. In the past, I focused more on financial aspects since I was really struggling to get out of debt. While I am still paying off the last big bill I have, I can now evaluate myself on more levels, especially the personal level.
2015 has been a year in which I have made tremendous progress on so many levels. My personal relationships outside of the one that Hal and I share has often been strained this year. I have cut ties with many people rather than continue interacting with them because, quite frankly, they are toxic. They served no purpose anymore in my life, they had become estranged from me, and they had often attempted to stay in touch only for reasons that benefitted them.
This aspect of my evaluation began early in the year. A former friend began to surface only when he needed something. I no longer felt any obligation to him, and his actions really pissed me off. Sure enough, when I confronted him about his behavior, he instantly turned on me and acted like a little brat. At that point, I knew that my only course of action was to cut him off completely and totally at that time. I deleted all phone numbers and emails, I removed him from my social media accounts and I blocked him from any further contact with me. I have not heard from him since his last snarky comment at the end of March. I have never regretted this decision.
After that episode, I felt empowered for the first time in years. I no longer felt helpless. This feeling soon began to spread to other people who were hanging on to benefit themselves. In short, these people were also “toxic”, and the best thing to do was to cut them off as well. Complications arose because of their relationships with Hal. I can only evaluate their behavior with and towards me. I discussed this with Hal at length, and he understands my decision to cut ties with these people, even though he remains in contact with them.
Without a doubt, it was often the lack of trust that I could place on these people that made my decision so much easier. I held no secrets with them, but there were things that Hal and I trusted these people with that were not properly cared for. To me, that was the final straw and grounds for me to effectively terminate the relationship. I have no problem with Hal maintaining contact with these people, because after we talked, he also has misgivings about them. However, he prefers to not completely break things off with them. I respect his choice. It is a testament to our relationship that we can agree on something like this.
The only conditions that we placed upon things are that those people are no longer welcome here in our home. They will still contact Hal and he stays abreast of their latest tragedies, but we do not get involved anymore. I am much more at ease now without any contact, and I focus my energy on Hal and The Stooges instead of splitting it with outside interferences.
Losing a “friends or friends” used to terrify me. Now I realize that there are people who are important and genuine for a time and then they become something to avoid. Their true colors will show through given enough time, and when that happens it is time to move on without them.