25 June 2017

Dreamer’s World June 25 2017 - Catharsis

I didn’t plan to not write yesterday. Things just kept happening and before I knew it, the day was over with. Nothing bad happened, and I know that part of this lapse was my own fault due to procrastinating, but then something did happen that really changed the way I looked at things.
    Ever since Mom died in early 2001, I had kept and used an antique dresser to store clothes in. Due to moves through the years, it had seen better days
Some of the drawer rails, which were original wood had broken and this rendered one of the drawers unusable. I can remember Mom looking at herself in the mirror and Dad making sure his tie was on straight as well. I remember the little love pecks that they would give to each other in front of the dresser as they got ready to go out. I had shopped the dresser around to antique merchants as something to donate, but no one was interested. I tried Goodwill and Habitat for Humanity, but they also declined to take it. I decided that yesterday it was time to let go of the dresser and do the only thing remaining, and that was to take it to the dumpster.
    This proved tougher than planned because we live on the 3rd floor and I was in no mood to carry the dresser down the stairs. Hal and I decided that the only thing we could do was to break it apart and then transport the pieces to the dumpster. I rebelled internally at first, this was something that came from my home and there was a sentimental attachment. Then I thought about it and realized that it did me no good to keep it. It ate up space and could no longer be useful to store clothes in, so out came the hammers.
    I cannot describe the feelings that came over me as I was dismantling the dresser. The initial feelings of guilt were gone, as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The dresser was nothing more than wood and nails, the sentiment that attached me to my home and my parents remains intact. If someone had told me that I was going to break the dresser apart, I would have imagined myself getting emotional, but that never happened. Instead I was filled with a sense of purpose and of moving on with life.
    After Hal and I had finished with the dresser, we showered and then went to a furniture store. I purchased a new dresser and a chest of drawers that will more than replace the old dresser. I did buy something that is also solid wood so that it will last for many years, although I hope that Hal or anyone else would not hesitate to move on with life if something happened to me. Things are transitory, feelings are what endure.

    And so, I completed that catharsis yesterday and I have not looked back. The sun shone brightly and I went about my business and got the errands complete while Hal was at work. Life does go on, and we don’t need any unnecessary baggage (or furniture) to weigh us down on the journey.