16 August 2015

Dreamer's World August 15 2015


Saturday has started out with the normal routine. Hal has left for work. I had a lite breakfast after checking my BG, which was in the excellent range, and now I am relaxing before deciding on where I will venture out to later today.

I hope for a quiet day because I fear that my strength will be needed this evening when Hal and I go to the birthday dinner that was scheduled in spite of Hal’s objections. To make things even worse is the fact that the person who organized this also included a birthday for someone else who has a less desirable circle of friends that will undoubtedly attend as well. I know that Hal was not happy with this, because when he agreed to the plan, it did not include this other person and their friends.

Personally, I am very upset about the whole thing. Hal has been put in the uncomfortable position of rejecting things only to appear as the bad guy, even though he didn’t want to do this in the first place. I have tried to keep my opinions to myself about this, and by the end of this evening it will all be over with anyway. This will be one of the few times when I can tell Hal that he should listen to me in the future. I predicted something like this would happen if he trusted the “friend” who set this up. This is the same person who has the manipulation problem that I have discussed in the past in my blog. I don’t trust that person at all anymore, and Hal knows it.

This will not be the first time that we have had to re-evaluate our circle of friends. Either Hal or myself have reached the point of no return with various people through the years, eventually we both agree that it is time to move on and leave those people behind. We have never failed to agree on a course of action in the long run.

I decided last winter that a potential new friend was not working out. Hal agreed after I voiced my concerns to him and I cut off contact with that person after a particularly “needy” voicemail was left for me while I was at work. THe person made the “I guess that we’re not friends anymore” comment because I had not had the time to call them in a few days. I will include the fact that my voicemails were never returned until the aforementioned voicemail from him. I remember that the day the message was left was April 1 of this year. If he was joking, he picked the wrong person and the wrong time. I blocked his phone and email and moved right on with my life. I will gladly do so again in order to protect Hal.

I really need to get out and take my mind off of these things. Reality will be here soon enough, and I don’t want to go in looking for trouble, I am sure that it will be there anyway.

I feel much better after a nice shower and then lunch here at home. I have decided against going anywhere today, at least for now. The main thing is that the anger I felt building up inside of me has subsided. I might take a nap before Hal gets home to help keep me on an even keel for this evening. Plus, I saved money by not going out today and I will pay my share of the dinner bill this evening, so that money will still be used one way or another.

I will hope for an uneventful dinner and then a relaxing night at home with Hal afterwards. I cannot see us staying that long at the gathering. Tomorrow will be another day in which I can get out and look around at things, or stay closer to home and write more according to my mood and how I feel.Beautiful days like this one give me time to think and reflect.

Learning to let the follies of others go without notice is something that I have had to learn as I grpw older. People who cannot control their own weird impulses aren’t worth the time and trouble to worry about in the long term. I still have my initial reaction to control, but I also know now that Hal is perfectly capable of handling this situation himself. I don’t have to take the lead, I just support him in this. I must admit that I am still very quick to judge and to lose my temper, but it is much better than it used to be. Once this evening is over, it will not be repeated again. What began as a nice custom to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries has become just another social disaster waiting to happen.

We used to look forward to these events, but in the past year they have deteriorated beyond repair. Tonight is an attempt by one person to recreate something that has gone. Being together for over 15 years has meant that Hal and I are on the same page about things. There is no dissent between us. Our circle of friends has gradually shrunk in large part because the other people are terminally single. They still relish the drama of the singles scene, whereas Hal and I are long past that.

This means that there are new people constantly being brought into the circle without any consideration of how this will affect the dynamics. We cannot control who someone else chooses to be with, but we can decide to distance ourselves from trouble when we see it coming. It is very difficult to find other gay couples that are happy and well-adjusted and not trying to stay involved in the single scene. I don’t mean open relationships, that is none of our business, it’s just that we have yet to find that new circle of stable friends to socialize with. Add to that Hal’s work schedule, and we arrive at the current situation. I don’t mean to indicate that Hal and I are unhappy, we are stronger than ever, it is just that we are tired of having to struggle with everyone else’s issues and troubles and dramas.

I took a nap with Hal after he got home before we went to dinner. I am glad to report that there were no incidents and that some of the most disagreeable people were absent from the event. After dinner, we returned home to relax since Hal has to get ready for work in the morning.