10 November 2015

Dreamer's World November 9 2015


Another week has begun. It started out with the typical drama as Hal told me that he had called to wish a “friend” a happy birthday. The “ friend” called back and let him know that his move to a new home was on hold due to all sorts of issues that arose recently. The word “friend” is in quotes because this is one of the people that I have broken contact with as I put my own life into order this past year.
I hope that whatever the real problems are with the “friend” are resolved quickly and that they complete their move out of state without any more trouble. I don’t wish any ill will on them, but I simply have lost the interest since it was never a mutual thing between us. Hal is the touchstone for that person, and that is fine with me. I simply don’t have the time or the desire to get drawn back into everyone else’s problems anymore when that person has never shown the least bit of interest in me. We have known this person for nearly 15 years, and in that entire time, they have called me exactly twice. Both times those calls were to ask where Hal was. Enough said.
I am nearing the deadline for my decision on Thanksgiving plans. Hal will be out of town to visit his relatives, and that leaves me here with The Stooges. Most years I would go to have dinner and spend time with some dear actual friends, but this year I have not heard from them. Since there are very legitimate reasons for not hearing from them, I am resisting the urge to call and see what is going on. I simply cannot and will not invite myself somewhere. I have my contingency plans ready and I need to make them real in the near future. If I hear something after that, I will just have to politely decline and hope to see them at Xmas.
My contingency plans involve nothing more than figuring out what I will cook here for myself on Thanksgiving. I refuse to cook a turkey since there are only Hal and I here anyway. I will decide on chicken or salmon, or something else that I can make and enjoy on that day.
I don’t feel depressed by any of this. There is no reason to. I am more at peace than I have been in many years as my finances continue to improve. Perhaps, subconsciously, this drives my desire to have time to myself after the years of struggle. Hal and I are closer than ever, and overall life continues to get better and better.
At times, I still feel somewhat isolated. I deal with this by reminding myself of the times in the past when I reached out to others and found nothing more than other needy people who could not see past their own agendas. Experience taught me that these people were toxic, and that I am better off without them. My personality tends to be more all-or-nothing when it comes to friendships, and that seems to be a rare thing these days.
I have already informed the company that I will not be taking any extra time off for the rest of the year. Only Thanksgiving and Xmas days. I refuse to deal with the Black Friday nonsense and I will probably write specifically about that when the time comes. I am an Atheist, so Xmas is a nice holiday away from work and nothing more. I will undoubtedly be one of the very few people working Black Friday and Xmas Eve. That is fine with me, As my birthday approaches in January, I can take time off when I want to and not have to worry about using too much vacation time.
As the day moves past the halfway point, I am making progress with things and will be spending the rest of the afternoon here. It feels good to know that whatever I accomplish will just put me further ahead of things.