23 January 2015

Dreamer's World January 23 2015 - Fake Friends

    For the most part, I am a very pleasant fellow. There is one thing that I do personally detest and that is what I call "fake friends". These are the people who are always promising to call, or to get together, but never follow through. It takes a lot to get onto this list of "fake friends" because I know that everyone has a life of their own, so I normally have to see about 3 months of inactivity before I start to feel the need to classify someone as fake.
    I don't claim to be superior to anyone, or better in any tangible way. I do try my very best to maintain communication and contact with my friends. If I am caught at a bad time by a phone call, I will always call back at the earliest opportunity. I make it a personal point of honor to never leave a friend wondering whether or not I value their friendship. This is also probably the reason for my willingness to classify someone as fake. I am judgemental because I see things according to my own rather rigid standards. That is why I feel that 3 months is plenty of time for someone to be able to find the time to stay in touch if they were interested in the first place.
    I have changed my outlook on this through the years. When I was younger, I would always take a lack of interaction personally. I would attempt to re-establish contact with the person only to be disappointed. This is turn made me feel worse about myself. It took time to realize that if someone doesn't want to be a friend, then that is their choice and I have very little to say about it.
    I also realized that by trying to build something that wasn't based on a solid foundation, I was cheating myself and also failing to acknowledge that I was also having a real problem. I couldn't see that I was clingy, once I realized that things began to get better. Not in the sense that the existing problems were solved, but rather I was more comfortable in seeing things as they are and not how I wanted them to be.
    And now, for people that I meet in person, I will work to maintain a friendship with the internal understanding that it might work out, or it might not. When the initial contact fades away and the interaction becomes less frequent, I no longer sweat things. A rule is that when I attempt to contact them and they are not available, I leave a message indicating that I want to get in touch. That leaves the choice up to them and I choose at that time to put the timer on them. When the 3-month window closes, they are out of my contact list. I am not saying that this is a perfect solution, but interestingly, no one has ever surfaced and contacted me after that time has passed.
    Perhaps this means that I am not the person that I claim that I am. I doubt that. What I think it means is that myself and the other person simply do not have enough in common to warrant a real friendship. Their loss, I would say, but it is never an easy thing to admit that people are not always meant for each other.
    To make sure that this doesn't come across as completely depressing or angry, I have a great circle of friends that do maintain regular contact. I would do anything for these people, and I am certain that they feel the same way about me. If I am destined to have only a limited circle of friends, then I will do my very best to make sure that they are aware of how much they really mean to me.